< PREVIOUS ] [ 1986 and Before Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
One of my grandfathers homesteaded in Wyoming, 17 miles away from the settlement of Bill. Bill had only one resident, but it offered the nearest post office, telephone and paved highway.
Normally, the county road from Bill to the ranch was a bone-jarring series of washouts and ruts that would jerk the steering wheel out of your hands if the high centers didn't snag your oilpan first. On one autumn visit, though, the going was smooth.
Our roads really are maintained regularly,
Grandpa explained. Every four years, just as
regular as clockwork, the county fixes up the road. The
crew always comes through about a month before the
election.
Salida isn't quite as far from the beaten path as his ranch was, but I get the same feeling. For three years out of four, we could just as easily live in Utah or Kansas for all the attention we get from Colorado dignitaries.
This year, though, Sen. Bill Armstrong has been in town, as well as Ted Strickland, Steve Schuck, Bob Leon Kirscht and Andy Love, among others. All were indulging in the Colorado election-year ritual of pretending that they care about isolated rural areas.
With the possible exception of Armstrong, they were all running for office. At last count, four of them want the GOP nomination for governor. As a registered Republican who's never missed a primary, I'm having an awful time deciding how to choose a candidate.
Schuck claims he would make a good governor because he has no experience in politics. Strickland says he should be governor because he has lots of political experience -- most of it fighting with the governor. Kirscht has political experience, too -- in both parties. And for all I know, maybe Andy Love is right, and the office should be hereditary.
When I was an employer, I faced similar problems in choosing among eager applicants. So I'd give them all a quiz. Perhaps what we need now is a similar test of job-related skills, to see who is fit to hold public office in Colorado.
Some of the questions (with their answers):
Q. What is the difference between a laborer on a construction site and a laborer on a farm?
A. About $7.28 an hour, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Another acceptable answer is that construction laborers get to use job-site toilets, and farm laborers don't. An unacceptable answer, unless you're Rep. Walt Younglund, is that you really can't compare the two because they're totally different classes of people.
Q. Which of the following is a hazardous substance: 1) White flour? 2) White sugar? 3) Tap water? 4) Cocaine hydrochloride?
A. The proper answer depends on where you are. If you're in Boulder, answer 1 and 2. If in Adams County, say 3. If you're in a ski resort, any answer except 4 is acceptable.
Q. Here's some simple Colorado arithmetic. A community has been spending $100,000 a year on parks and recreation. The state lottery sends an additional $100,000 to the community, and the money is supposed to be spent on parks and recreation. How big is the parks and recreation budget now?
A. If you said $200,000, you flunked. You obviously don't know anything about how Colorado towns really work. Something like $60,000 would be closer to the truth in most cases.
Q. Heavy trucks cause 32 percent of the damage to Colorado highways. However, truckers currently pay only 21 percent of the highway taxes. What would be a fair share?
A. According to Sen. Ray Powers, the truckers are already paying their fair share.
Q. Who are the smartest people in Colorado?
A. The guards at the state capitol. They're supposed to be able to notice the difference between the state officials who belong there, and the mentally-deranged people who might wander in and pound on desks.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1986 and Before Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >