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Roy Romer hasn't even taken office yet, and he's already fulfilled a campaign promise -- a summit conference, aimed at improving the Colorado economy.
From what I read of this conference, the summiteers meant well, but they never discussed a sure-fire way to put Coloradans to work. By Coloradans, of course, I mean those of us who grew up in this state.
Many Coloradans are capable people who can adapt quickly to the new high-tech age in some respects. Anybody that can do a roadside brake job on a Studebaker pickup during a blizzard finds it easy, even pleasant, to work with computers. After all, it's indoors, there's no heavy lifting, and you can find the parts you need.
Our problems come when we have to deal to the imported management of these new-age enterprises. We can't understand them, and they can't understand us. The Blue-Collar English of the native Coloradan and the High-Tech English of his employer are two different languages.
Let me illustrate with some translations of common workday expressions (please note that this is a family publication, so some of the Blue-Collar renditions are not quite accurate).
Blue-Collar: First thing tomorrow, I'll see the foreman and line out the day's work.
High-Tech: My current mentor and I will network and implement immediate optimization strategies when we do a power breakfast.
Blue Collar: We're going over to the Elks tonight. Wanna come along?
High-Tech: We've just been accepted for membership in the exclusive Club Wapiti. Could you consult your personal scheduler to see if you're free to share the experience with us this evening?
Blue Collar: I catch you walking the dog on company time again, and you're history.
High-Tech: You haven't reached maximal participation in our enhanced productivity environment. Perhaps you might attain greater self-actualization while performing in an alternative career framework.
Blue Collar: I worked my butt off.
High-Tech: Through the duration of the project, my aerobic cardiac monitoring indicators were substantially in excess of target levels.
Blue Collar: He's a jerk.
High-Tech: He/she has difficulty transitioning into our corporate culture, and further, he/she does not exhibit sensitivity toward the interpersonal needs/attitudes of his/her co-workers.
Blue Collar: We got our butt handed to us on that job.
High-Tech: Despite a temporary negative direction imputed to the overall cash-flow posture resulting in unavoidable dilution of the corporate equity position, the project provided invaluable experience while climbing the steep segment of the learning curve of state-of-the-art technological innovation.
Blue Collar: I'd like to get me a bag job someday, where I could just supervise.
High-Tech: My priority five-year career objective is the attainment of a management position wherein my unique matrix of developed skills, innate talents and acquired experiences would be deployed at optimal utilization.
Blue Collar: Yeah, me and the old lady had a good time on vacation, but it's kind of nice to get back to work.
High-Tech: My significant other and I experienced an awesome transpersonal growth experience while sharing a unique ambiance during my annual personal leave. Returning to my career arena, however, fully energizes me while enhancing my confidence levels.
Blue Collar: Draw your time, and don't let that door hit you in the butt on the way out.
High-Tech: A cyclical market downturn has adversely impacted you and certain fellow members of our performance team whose quarterly productivity evaluations reflect submaximal levels. Your cumulative severance benefits are now available in the corporate outplacement office.
See what I mean? No matter how skilled you are at the
actual work you do on the job, you'll probably lose that
job if you can't understand that the boss means Do this
first
when he says This procedure follows from
implementation of the optimal prioritization
strategy.
Revitalizing our economy so that Coloradans have jobs might be much simpler than improving colleges, sending emissaries to Japan or building a new airport. Just find some way to teach us how to talk.
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