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Across the world, people got the message. They had no choice, because the message appeared simultaneously on every television and radio station, and it was, of course, extensively reported in the newspapers.
Turks beheld Saint Nicholas of Myra delivering the message, as did most other Europeans, although it was presented in France by le Pere Noel and in Italy by La Befana. Russians heard it from Father Frost. Americans saw Santa Claus, who tapped his pipe against the microphone and began to speak.
Please forgive my intrusion into what must be a busy
time for you. And that's the problem.
This was supposed to be a time of peace and goodwill,
of generosity and fellowship -- that was my true gift to
mankind, no matter what you saw in my sleigh. But what have
you done with this gift?
You celebrate fellowship by crowding into airports
and shopping malls, where you are treated like cattle --
indeed, I would myself face criminal charges if I treated
my reindeer the way you allow yourselves to be treated. But
perhaps you deserve to be handled like animals, because you
snarl, snap and trample.
You honor generosity by brain-washing your children
to covet ephemeral trinkets, and you have made the joyful
sharing of gifts into a sordid occasion of resentment,
guilt and indebtedness. You believe that goodwill can be
found in a bottle; too many of your gatherings are
debauchery followed by highway carnage. And I need not go
into detail about your total incompetence at keeping the
peace.
He paused to get his pipe going again, and the world
held its breath. This is it,
he eventually said, his
voice cracking. There will never be another
Christmas.
A worldwide murmur became an uproar which quieted as the
tired old man continued. As I am merely a saint, my
powers are somewhat limited. But I promise you that
henceforth, anyone who uses my name or likeness, for any
purpose whatsoever, will find himself in court with a
restraining order -- if my elves don't get to his kneecaps
first.
He smoothed his beard, and pointed upward from wherever
he was sitting. I also have it from the very highest
authorities that they, too, have had enough, and they will
take whatever steps are necessary to protect their names
and reputations from you. And their powers,
he added
with a chuckle, are not limited.
Some people thought that this was all an elaborate practical joke, but their laughter stopped when the official White House Christmas Tree appeared on the screen, brilliant against a clear, star-filled sky, out of which emerged a tremendous bolt of lightning. Only a smoking crater remained where the tree had stood.
Then appeared the Denver City and County Building in its gaudy holiday lights, which glowed with unnatural intensity for a few seconds before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Similar images flashed before the frightened audience until a relieved America saw Santa again.
You may wonder what to do without a Christmas. But
you all possess a few decent impulses and some common
sense. Use those gifts.
For the first year or two after the last Christmas, the adjustment was not easy. But it came.
When people thought of friends they hadn't seen for some time, they immediately dispatched a card or note, instead of waiting until December.
When they saw something that they knew a friend or relative would cherish, they purchased it and sent it, at that very moment, whether the impulse struck them in March or September.
When people wanted a social occasion with their co-workers, they held one and comported themselves with decency and good humor. When scattered families found a convenient time to reunite for a few days, they did. And when people felt inspired to attend church, they went.
December 25th became just another day as the Christmas season vanished. It was replaced by small daily infusions of Christmas spirit from those who genuinely felt it, and everyone felt it at least once a year -- some in January, some in June, and so forth. It averaged out so that every day, everywhere, there were a few people who were happy because they'd heard from old friends. Others smiled because they had found gifts that someone they knew would appreciate. Some felt renewed by worship, and others heartened by fellowship.
There were even some genuine efforts at being peaceful, and Saint Nicholas, after 16 centuries of trying, finally felt that he had accomplished some good.
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