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For many years, Harry Fastrack, the president of Engulf & Devour, had considered Colorado whenever his growing multinational company built new facilities. But Colorado was too far from suppliers and markets for economical manufacturing, so Fastrack had reluctantly built elsewhere.
However, the information economy emerged. Engulf & Devour's next
major facility did not have to be near a port or populated markets, Fastrack
realized. Our major productive asset now,
he told himself,
is talented people. If we can attract them and keep them by locating
in a pleasant environment, we'll stay ahead of the competition. Finally, it
makes sense to build in Colorado. I'll fly out there and find a
spot.
After fighting his way through the mob at Stapleton Airport and the freeway congestion under the Brown Cloud, Fastrack decided that Denver was out of the question. But he had heard good things about Colorado Springs, so he drove the rental car south.
Fastrack admired the El Paso County government for its foresight in
requiring new developments to have a water supply adequate for at least
three centuries. That makes sense,
he thought. We don't
want to invest hundreds of millions of dollars here and then run out of
water a few years later.
He discovered, however, that this sensible requirement was unpopular and
under attack in court. I'd rather not do business in a community with
so many greedy, short-sighted people,
he thought as he drove west into
the mountains. I'll look into a rural area where there's recreation
and a relaxed lifestyle. Our employees would love that.
Several nerve-wracking hours on a pot-holed and twisting two-lane
mountain road brought Fastrack to Salida, which looked like the pleasant
environment he wanted. The pace was relaxed, the scenery was splendid, and
outdoor recreation abounded. We'll be hiring dozens of local
people,
Fastrack mused. And the people we bring in will expect
excellent educations for their children. I'd best check on the schools
here.
He picked up a copy of the school district's Statement of Major
Educational Objectives, wherein he read that local pupils might obtain
interest and ability of skills
and that each student shall be
encouraged to develop an attitude of likeness of self.
Fastrack tried
to figure out what those phrases meant. He eventually decided that they
meant that if he wanted a well-educated workforce, he'd have to look at
other towns.
Fastrack toyed with locating in a resort community like Vail, where he enjoyed skiing. But Vail had just adopted Goofy for a mascot, and that wasn't quite the corporate image Fastrack wanted to project.
The tired executive was almost ready to give up on Colorado until he
remembered Boulder. It has the university,
he recalled, a
great lifestyle for recreation, and the best-educated workforce in the
region.
Resolving to pick up options on Boulder real estate, Fastrack
crossed the mountains again.
Boulder was full of well-educated people who would do well at Engulf & Devour, Fastrack thought -- until he started talking to some Boulderites who had masters degrees and doctorates, and presumably held responsible jobs.
They assured him that McNichols Arena would become sanctified just before sunrise on New Year's Eve because these people would devote 20 minutes to being silent inside. During the silence, they would envision world peace, which they insisted would come at the moment a psychic critical mass had been exceeded.
It is scientific truth, they explained, because one day on an island somewhere, 99 monkeys had known how to wash potatoes. Then another monkey acquired this skill, and the next thing you knew, untutored monkeys all over the world were washing potatoes.
When pressed, the Boulderites said that maybe it all hadn't happened quite that way, but it should have. They went on to discuss their tarot readings, iridology charts, transformational diets, functional integration, and continued spiritual growth.
They may have achieved a higher consciousness, Fastrack thought sadly, but they also had trouble adding 2 and 2 and always getting 4. How could he rely on them to program computers, deal with customers, or even answer the phone? And yet they assured him that they were the best that Colorado had to offer.
Even as unemployed people across Colorado wondered why the state's economy continued to skid, Fastrack boarded a plane that very afternoon and flew out of Denver, never to return.
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