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A brief news item from Evanston, Wyo., caught my eye the other day. The high-school teams there are the Red Devils; the junior-high athletes are Demons. Certain elements of the community have taken vocal exception, since these emblems certainly appear to be quite satanic.
We endured a similar controversy around here several years ago, up in Buena Vista. The teams there are also Demons. The editor of the local weekly launched an unsuccessful jihad to change the mascot.
His supporters said the schools were promoting all
manner of evil whenever the Demons took the field and the
crowd started cheering them on. How could someone attend
church on Sunday morning in the proper frame of mind when
he'd spent Saturday afternoon hollering Go, demons,
go!
?
Others noted that the word demon
has other
meanings. You can be a demon for work.
The
dictionary at hand says a demon is one who is extremely
zealous, skillful, or engrossed in a given activity.
To
be known as a demon in that sense is hardly offensive.
These small-town controversies just won't go away. And there should be more of them, because most school mascots seem pretty stupid when you think about them.
Evans Junior-Senior High School closed its doors in 1965, a victim of school consolidation, but I still remember cheering loudly and lustily for our heroic Rams. About all a ram is good for is tupping ewes -- what kind of example does that provide for impressionable youths in this day of epidemic venereal diseases and rampant teen-age pregnancies?
After Evans closed, we were packed off to Greeley West High School, which, like Salida High and a thousand other institutions, is home of the Spartans.
Whoever thought that was a good name for a team in the United States had obviously never read any history.
We're a nation that celebrates individual freedom;
ancient Sparta probably qualifies as the world's first
fascist, militarist police state, where the individual had
no rights. We have an economy largely based on selling
people things that they don't need -- luxuries. But a
Spartan
does without. If everyone adopted a
Spartan lifestyle,
our economy would collapse.
Our schools are in theory academic institutions that
improve mental skills. The ancient academies and lyceums
where rational thought originated were in Athens, not
Sparta; perhaps it says something about the priorities of
American education that we never see any Atticans.
Sparta was the leading city of Laconia, and to this day,
laconic
means someone who is incapable of sustained
intelligent expression, such as a Republican state
senator.
There's more -- Helen of Troy was originally Helen of Sparta, and her infidelities started a ten-year war, after which she plied a young man with narcotics in her palace in Sparta.
The worst of it, though, is that high-school teams supposedly represent their towns. And yet their names are not at all representative of their towns. There's no local significance whatsoever in all those generic Spartans, Demons, Wildcats, Tigers, Trojans, Vikings, Bears, Mustangs, Panthers, Bulldogs, Huskies, etc.
Some years have passed since I've paid much mind to Colorado's high-school sports, but I recall a few delightful exceptions, such as the Brush Beetdiggers, the Aspen Skiers and the Idaho Springs Orediggers.
So here is my annual suggestion for educational reform. Our state legislature, when it isn't holding caucuses to discuss the governor's travel budget, should require all high schools to adopt symbols that are indicative of their communities.
Various right-minded citizens could then turn their attentions toward less significant matters, such as whether the kids in the schools are learning how to read street signs and make change. Instead of arguing about demonic implications, the residents might have time to consider minor matters like streets, water supplies and police protection.
And the rest of us could enjoy the headlines on the sports pages: Alamosa Barleyreapers mangle Trinidad Bituminites. Leadville Muckers submerge Glenwood Bathers. Craig Megawatts overpower Sterling Reapers. Salida Sloths outstay Buena Vista Idlers. Colorado Springs Watergrabbers surmount Vail Liftlines. Boulder Airheads transcend Longmont Cruisers. Greenwood Village Annexers devour Aurora Central Mallplatters.
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