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The virtue squad strikes again

Published 10-Apr-1988 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1988 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

Captain Furillo shuffled the papers before him and lifted his squinting eyes to survey the squad room at the rear of a grungy police station. Most of the Colorado Virtue Squad had arrived, so Furillo began the pre-shift briefing.

Crockett and Tubbs, you're heading out of town today.

Where to, boss? one wondered.

Fort Collins, I think. Furillo looked down at a wrinkled sheet of paper. This is an old one. We've got a public official up there that's been charged with Second-Degree Felony Insensitivity.

Stunned by the severity of the offense, Crockett leaned back and rubbed his stubble. His partner asked the questions.

That's a major crime, chief. He sounds dangerous. Can we get some backup?

Wish I could give you some, Furillo conceded, but we're stretched pretty thin right now. He's a tough one, all right. I don't know why the DA's office went with second-degree. They ought to be charging first-degree when somebody makes sexist remarks about secretaries in public.

As Crockett and Tubbs picked up their gear and started out, Furillo turned to Cagney and Lacey.

You two won't be going quite so far. Just out to the Tech Center, where you're going to bring in George Wallace.

What'd he do? Cagney blurted.

He uttered the N word. He might get off if he pleads temporary insanity, but right now, it looks like he's going to get the book thrown at him. Furillo explained.

But that was 18 months ago, Lacey protested. Why are we bothering now?

It's simple, Furillo said, exasperation growing in his voice. Back then, it didn't matter. Lately he's been promoting some sort of light-rail rapid-transit scheme, and it was even getting some serious consideration. But if he gets discredited by this charge of Aggravated Racist Enunciation, then the transit plan gets derailed. Nobody will have to give it any consideration.

Maybe he's got that coming personally, Cagney conceded. But why should that affect discussion of the project?

Furillo shrugged, trying to release his growing aggravation and tension. Look, ladies, that's just the way they handle most issues in Colorado. They don't bother with the issue. They just call on us at the Virtue Squad to discredit the source, and the issue goes away.

Furillo thought he could rely on his two most experienced detectives, but he was wrong. Friday and Gannon were both on their feet.

If it's our job to arrest, and thereby further embarrass every public figure that says something stupid or disgusting, then why did we have last weekend off? Friday asked in his sharp monotone.

It was Easter Sunday, Furillo lamely began.

Friday cut him off. The fix was on somewhere, the veteran detective shouted. You didn't want us on duty. You didn't want us to arrest Jesse Jackson for that 'Hymietown' remark he made back in 1984. You didn't want us to go after Pat Robertson for saying that only Christians should hold office in the United States -- a remark that's not only offensive, but a flagrant violation of the constitution. Just what standards are we supposed to be enforcing here? Are there two sets of standards, one for Colorado people we can pick on, and another for national figures? A crime's a crime, no matter who commits it.

After all these years, you're still a naive idealist, Friday, Furillo muttered. Then he raised his voice. Look. If we don't do our job, if we don't selectively enforce these laws, then what happens? I'll tell you what happens. Public discourse in Colorado would focus on substantive issues instead of personal foibles and blunders. Something might actually get done. We couldn't have that, could we?


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