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The Flag Enforcement Administration

Published 2-Jul-1989 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1989 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

And it came to pass that on the 213th anniversary of its freedom, the United States of America adopted the 27th amendment to its national constitution, and thenceforth it was illegal to burn, mutilate, or otherwise desecrate the American flag.

Among the first to be imprisoned for violating the Flag Protection Amendment were the dozen or so American Christians who actually practiced the teachings of the Bible.

At their trial, they cited their First Amendment religious freedom, as well as the Second Commandment: Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in the heaven above (i.e., stars) . . . Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them.

In their view, a law against desecrating the flag carried the clear implication that the flag, a piece of man-made cloth, had become sacred, and therefore, obedience to that law of man was the worship of an idol, and thus a violation of the laws of God.

President Bush said that although he sympathized with them, he had no problem with sending the Christians to a reeducation center where they were forced to recite the Pledge of Allegiance -- his major campaign issue in 1988 -- for 16 hours a day.

Bush also pledged an all-out war on flag abuse and established the Flag Enforcement Administration as part of a anti-flag-abuse task force headed by Vice-President Dan Quayle.

Editors of veterans' magazines were shocked when they were their offices were among the first places to be raided by the FEA.

Have you seen some of their advertising? Quayle asked. It's disgusting. They're selling American flag belt buckles, shoulder patches and lapel pins. Can you believe that they could call themselves patriots while they're busy commercializing our sacred flag? Even worse, they're actually selling paraphernalia which leads to even worse forms of flag abuse.

Pressed for specifics, Quayle mentioned flag decals and bumper stickers for automobiles. In themselves, they're probably acceptable. But the problem is, people put them on cars, where they get splattered by mud. Very few drivers have sufficient patriotism to obey the law of the land. They don't stop the moment their flag is defaced and clean it. Instead, they just drive on in the mistaken belief that washing the car once a month is enough. It isn't.

At their trial, the flag paraphernalia merchants pointed out that the U.S. government, through its subsidiary, the Postal Service, was one of the major offenders. Many postage stamps have flags on them, and the Postal Service defaces those flags with its canceling machines.

A new method of cancellation was developed, thus giving the Postal Service an excuse to raise first-class postage to 50 cents an ounce, but there remained another problem.

With the exception of a few dingbat maiden aunts, Americans throw out old envelopes, even envelopes that have flag stamps on them. Once these flags enter the garbage stream, they could be buried without due honor, corroded by toxic wastes, or even burned.

To insure that our great national symbol is not defaced, Bush promised to place an FEA inspector at every landfill in America. We have zero tolerance for flag abuse, he announced.

There were some who thought the money might be better spent by inspecting just what was being dumped on America -- oil on its beaches, acid rain on its forests, chemicals in its rivers -- but Bush said he couldn't buy that. Do whatever you want to America, as long as it shows a profit, he said. But don't mess with our flag.


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