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Dispatches from the front

Published 29-Apr-1990 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1990 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

In the latest round of the battle of the sexes, Ann Rudin, the mayor of Sacramento, has informed her public works department that the word manhole is no longer an acceptable term, and the department is trying to come up with something more concise and elegant than personal access chamber.

Concocting non-sexist nomenclature is a delightful hobby (how about shaft collar, a sexually neutral term from the mining industry?), but this exercise is another reason to be glad you don't live in California.

Here, it's a major scandal when public-works crews are caught hanging out at convenience stores when they're on city time. There, rather than patch potholes and leaky water mains, they spend their working hours at the noble task of purging the language of sexism. No wonder tax-limitation measures always succeed in the Golden State.

Then appeared the Roper survey on Thursday, with the headline Men rate lower than ever with women. To see how much trouble I'm in, I asked Martha some of the questions.

Are men controlling and manipulative?

Sure, especially husbands under 40. But they're not nearly as good at control and manipulation as children under 6, all mothers and women over 35. Mid-life crisis makes men think Why am I bothering? and it makes women think I'm never touching another dish.

I agreed, except she left out cats, who always pester you until they get their own way, and never compromise.

Are men basically selfish and self-centered?

All people are selfish and self-centered. Isn't that what survival is all about?

Do most men find it necessary for their egos to put women down?

No, because women usually aren't important enough in a man's world to be worth the effort. Men are generally so arrogant that they don't feel any need to put other people down. They brag constantly, which is irritating, but bravado isn't the same as a put-down.

However, most women find it necessary for their egos to see men as deadly addictions, victims of the Peter Pan syndrome -- or whatever this month's buzzword is, like co-dependency -- and as childish morons who couldn't get dressed, fix a sandwich, brew coffee or find milk in the refrigerator without a woman around.

Are you annoyed by pictures of nude women in men's magazines?

No. I'm annoyed by how much nudity there is in movies, and how little we see of the men. You see lots of nude women, and never a front-on shot of a man. It's not fair that only half of society gets in on these vicarious thrills.

Do most men look at a woman and think immediately how it would be to go to bed with her?

Of course. All people check each other out -- for about 20 seconds. The annoying thing is that the man you live with never notices if you dye your hair, buy new lingerie or stand naked on your head in the living room.

Are you annoyed by your mate's failure to do household chores?

My mate and I don't do household chores. Our children do. We hope that domestic slavery encourages them to leave home to become careerist yuppies who will be able to support us handsomely in our golden years.


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