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Honesty might be an expensive policy

Published 25-Nov-1990 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1990 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences may take away the Best New Artist Grammy Award given to Milli Vanilli in 1989. The singers whose voices were heard on Girl You Know It's True were not Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan, the singers who appeared in the act. The Academy requires artists to do their own singing, at least when awards are involved.

That is one way to promote integrity in an industry that probably doesn't know how to spell integrity, let alone define it. The Byrds didn't play their own instruments on their early albums; the early Monkees were a lip-synch act, as are the current Mutant Turtles; I once knew a bar band from Greeley which toured Michigan as the Archies.

But if the music industry cleans up its act, so that you could accept albums at face value, that could set a dangerous precedent in other areas of American life. Look what might happen if this appalling trend toward honesty continues:

· The American book-publishing industry fears that sales will plummet in the wake of a new policy which requires the actual writer of a book to be listed as the author.

This means no more hot celebrity best-sellers like Iacocca by Lee Iacocca, really written by William Novak, or Trump by Donald Trump, actually by Tony Schwartz. Morrow will pull Millie's Book, supposedly written by the White House dog, from the shelves this week.

This is going to hurt, an industry spokesman said. Is it our fault that Americans would rather read books supposedly written by dogs, tycoons and semi-literate athletes than books written by writers?

· At Columbia University, the Pulitzer Prize selection committee may rescind the Pulitzer for biography or autobiography given in 1957 to John F. Kennedy for Profiles in Courage.

It was an excellent piece of research and writing, and it deserved an award, an official said, but the work was done by Theodore Sorensen and Arthur Schlesinger, not by the author whose name was on the cover.

· The American Electoral College said yesterday that it will probably revoke the Prezzy award given to Ronald Reagan in 1980 and 1984.

Our rules for the award, a spokesman said, require a candidate to do his own thinking. We have had recent revelations that his thoughts actually came from Peggy Noonan, Larry Speakes and Don Regan. There are also video tapes which showed that he often turned to Nancy to get an answer when he was asked a question, although she denies it.

We find good reasons to believe that he was lip-synching for the entire eight years. The odd thing is that even Richard Nixon made his own recordings -- when you heard that profane snarl, you could be sure it was Nixon.

The spokesman confirmed that further Electoral College investigations are planned, even concerning the current chart-topping Prezzy Award winner, Old-Boy George Bush. We've heard that it was really rhythm guitarist Lee Atwater's voice on his 1988 smash hit Mamma, Please Don't Let Mean Willie Horton Get Out to Burn my Flag Again. And we're trying to find out who was involved with his other deceptive chart-topper, No New Taxes -- you want lip-synching, there's some lip-synching for you.


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