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Starting a long tradition of briefings

Published 17-Feb-1991 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1991 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

It is late afternoon in early December of 1864, and we take you now live to a military briefing in the War Department, where Col. Virgil Pangloss stands before a small gathering of reporters.

Sir, I understand that Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman has deployed a new American military development called Total War, and that he is marching through Georgia with an innovative Stealth Army that does not need a supply train. Could you tell us more about that?

I'm sorry, but I'm not free to comment on that. To reveal the location of an army, even to mention that there is a force under a given general's command, might compromise the safety of our troops. You over there?

However, the first reporter is both persistent and loud, and gets in another question. But Colonel Pangloss, Peter Arnett has reported on Confederate News Network, out of Atlanta, that Sherman's army ravaged Atlanta this fall, causing widespread civilian suffering, then ripped up railroad tracks and torched granaries, and is now marching toward Savannah, leaving in his wake a 60-mile wide swath of utter destruction. If the Confederates know where Gen. Sherman's army is and what his troops are doing, why can't the Union people know?

Again, I can't tell you about that. And as I am sure you are aware, our noble and patriotic Senator Simpson has proclaimed that Arnett is a Confederate sympathizer, and that you should not put credence in any of his reports. Arnett is nothing but a mouthpiece for Jefferson Davis, and the American people should not be subjected to this malicious and misleading propaganda. Now, be a sport and let somebody else ask a question.

In the rear of the room, a correspondent rises. Colonel, when the war started, you said the insurrection would be put down in 90 days. That was about four years ago. Is the war still going according to plan?

Yankee troops yesterday fired 314,592 rounds in their rifles. In aerial bombardment, we fired 28,182 mortar shells last week, and we launched 19 balloon sorties to gather intelligence behind enemy lines. On the naval front, the blockade has interdicted 97 percent of all munitions and other war materiel bound for Southern ports, and that collateral damage has been kept to an absolute minimum. General Grant assures me that the war is proceeding according to plan.

Could you tell us which plan, Colonel? Would that be the Anaconda Plan that Gen. Winfield Scott proposed at the outbreak of hostilities?

I'm sorry, but I'm not at liberty to discuss that. However, be assured that we are on a steady course toward the goal we set when the war began.

Which goal, sir? To preserve the Union? To liberate the slaves? To occupy the South?

I will not dignify that impudent question with an answer. How about you over there?

Sir, there are some reports that out in Colorado Territory, toward the end of last month, soldiers attacked a civilian village at a place called Sand Creek, and killed many women and children. Is there anything to that?

Our intelligence from Colonel Chivington, the field commander, indicated that the encampment was actually a command and control center, and we'll stand by that. Thank you gentlemen for coming, and that will be all for today.


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