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'Tis spring, more or less, and thus time to think of baseball. Let me report that I did everything I could to help Denver make a favorable impression on the National League Expansion Committee last week -- I stayed away.
Assuming that the committee will thereby decide that Denver is one of the two best places to put a team of rejects who will lose at least 90 games a year for the rest of the millennium, the next question is what to name the team.
Some have suggested that Zephyr be retained, but it was not a fit name for a minor-league team in Denver, and it won't serve any better in the major leagues.
The classical Greeks had names for winds from all
directions. Boreas, the god of the cold north wind (hence
Boreas Pass from Como to Breckenridge), would be better,
but Colorado Boreals
is too much of a mouthful for
most TV sportscasters. Zephyrus, the linguistic ancestor of
Zephyr, was in charge of warm west winds. Locally, that's a
chinook, and Denver Chinooks
could be a
contender.
The other problem with Zephyr is the railroad association. During the glory days of passenger trains, the Zephyrs were essentially operated by the Chicago, Burlington & Quincy or one of its subsidiaries. Zephyr has an excellent Illinois connection, but if a team must be named for a train, we need a Colorado train.
Not many come to mind. The San Juan Expresses? The Colorado Silvertons? The Denver Shavanos? The Royal Gorges? The Rocky Mountain Hog & Humans? The Front Range Nightcrawlers?
That isn't going to work. We can also dismiss the prospect of borrowing certain college team names: Scottsdale Community College Artichokes, Colby White Mules, University of California at Irvine Anteaters.
Somebody suggested Colorado Miners -- after all, our state seal bears a pick and shovel -- but that sounds too much like Colorado School of Mines, and in the fall, there would be confusion with the 'Niners.
We could still honor our mineral-extraction heritage with the Rocky Mountain Muckers. It is difficult to say with a straight face, though. Besides, the Great Plains occupy a third of Colorado, and are ignored on everything from tourist propaganda to license plates. Why not borrow from a Clint Eastwood movie, and have the High Plains Drifters?
However, the modern trend in team names is to make them singular, as with Utah Jazz or Denver Gold. Further, there is an established organization which knows how to play hardball. How about the Colorado General Assembly?
Not only is it unique and appropriate, but if we put it on the diamond, maybe the one under the dome would go away.
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