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The intercom buzzed, greatly annoying the First Lady as
she tried to roll another joint. A delegation of Girl
Scouts just arrived to have their pictures taken with you
for the 'Just say no' campaign, ma'am.
No,
she shrieked. I said I was not to be
disturbed during my lunch hour. Not by anybody.
Please, ma'am. It's difficult when your lunch 'hour'
runs from 12:30 to 4:30. We also have your astrologer on
the line. She said it was urgent -- she has new advice on
how Ronnie can deal with the fundamentalists who are
worried about the spread of occultism in America.
I said 'No disturbances.' Is that clear?
When, oh
when, would Frank show up for their lunchtime tryst?
Just a few moments in his arms, gazing into those old blue eyes, doing it his way. Then she could handle the stress of public life. She would gain the strength to go out tonight and deliver her usual speech about how important it was for Americans to believe in thrift and hard work, about how vital it was to have traditional families without divorce and out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
No, that's not going to work for a column. It is obviously the work of a depraved mind. Who, besides her biographer, could ever write such malicious drivel about a wonderful lady like Nancy Reagan? But at least it might outsell the current White House dog's book.
What else is there? How about the Postal Service? More than two months have passed since they increased first-class rates from 25 cents for the first ounce and 20 cents for additional ounces to 29 and 23 cents. They can raise rates overnight, but it takes them forever to print stamps that reflect the new price structure.
When you want a roll of 29-cent stamps, all you can get are those silly F stamps with the flower. The problem with F stamps is that you can't use them for postage to Canada or Mexico, or any foreign mail. You can't piece together 40 cents for Canada out of the stamps in your drawer -- it takes a trip to the post office to buy more stamps, even though you've already bought oodles of expensive stamps.
I wanted a roll of 23-cent stamps to save some money. Many people will put four first-class stamps ($1.16) on a four-ounce envelope, although the required postage is only 98 cents -- one 29-cent and three 23-cent stamps.
But you can't buy a roll of 23-cent stamps. They will sell you a sheet, but the sheet will get chopped up and gummed up before you use half the stamps, so it actually costs more.
It's bad enough when they raise rates. But then, by refusing to distribute stamps in any convenient form, they essentially force you to spend more than required on postage, which gives them a back-door rate increase without the bother of public hearings. It's devious and it's greedy, and I have no idea why news of Nancy Reagan made me think of that.
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