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Much to my disappointment, none of the candidates for mayor of Denver has come out for something that would improve governmental efficiency while reducing the cost of government -- a return to patronage and corruption.
Granted, this seems preposterous, but give it a fair hearing.
Suppose there's a pot-hole of Royal Gorge proportions in front of your house. You are tired of supporting front-end alignment shops. Like a good citizen, you report this problem to the municipal authorities.
With an honest government staffed by dedicated civil servants, your pot-hole request must be evaluated. That requires an inspection; within months, the Street Quality Examination Bureau will investigate your pot-hole and issue a report.
We are dealing with an honest government that has limited resources which must be applied to the benefit of all. You can't expect them to repair your Royal Gorge before they patch somebody else's Grand Canyon; the evaluation reports must be prioritized by the Public Thoroughfare Maintenance Precedence Agency so that the worst problems get fixed first.
Then work schedules must be drawn up, so that the Public Works Pot-Hole Repair Division can work efficiently and handle all the problems in one part of town before moving to the next area.
Under an honest government, you might get your pot-hole fixed within a year -- if you're lucky.
Under a dishonest government, you call Lenny, the local
ward-heeler. Lenny, you know I always vote the right way
-- early and often. Can you send a crew over to fix a
pot-hole down the street from me?
The crew consists of Lenny's illiterate brothers-in-law, but they arrive in minutes, and your street is repaired. Which system offers better service, with less bureaucratic overhead, to honest, tax-paying citizens?
Or suppose you need a zoning variance -- say you want to repair lawn-mowers in your garage.
Under the current honest system, you must apply for the variance. They have to hold public hearings, after due public notice that you have to pay for. All manner of i's must be dotted and t's crossed, so you must hire a lawyer.
Once all is said and done, you're going to be out $2,000 for legal and related fees, just to do something innocuous on your own property.
Under a corrupt government, you slip $500 in small bills to the zoning commissioner, and you have your variance -- at a $1,500 cash savings, not to mention the lessened time and aggravation.
You can have an honest city government, or you can have one that efficiently serves the public, but you can't have both. With the crowd of candidates in the Denver mayoral election, I'm surprised that not one of them has suggested this obvious solution to so many municipal problems.
HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: To the Victoria Tavern, which has somehow managed to stay in business here under the same ownership for 10 years. This must be some kind of record.
And to my Dad, who turns 64 today in Longmont. He once
told me that After you turn 30, you're just a
maintenance problem.
May he continue to be a
maintenance problem.
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