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During the first three months of 1991, the U.S. economy shrank by 0.7 percent and corporate profits fell 6.3 percent. Last week, the savings-and-loan bailout fund needed another $80 billion, the commercial banking system showed more symptoms of collapse, and personal bankruptcy filings set a record.
These matters might come to public attention before
George Bush seeks re-election in 1992 on a platform of
peace and prosperity,
so I figured there had to be a
high-level political strategy. I called my favorite
Washington inside source, Ananias Ziegler, director of spin
control for the Committee That Really Runs America.
We've got another week, max, of Gulf War
giddiness,
Ziegler conceded. But we're
ready.
Another orgy of patriotism?
No, it's too early for a war. Besides, some
subversive might point out that Panama, the site of our
glorious victory in Operation Just Cause, now handles more
drugs and drug money than ever before. Or that six months
ago, we claimed we had wiped out Saddam's nuclear
capability, and now we're charging that he's got hidden
bomb factories. We'll turn to domestic issues.
It's about time.
I was encouraged.
The idea is to focus liberal outrage,
he
explained. Those bleeding-hearts want America to worry
about starving, uneducated children and a decaying
infrastructure.
But we've arranged matters so that they'll be
hollering instead about the Supreme Court. Another year of
Rehnquist, and it will be impossible for a policeman to
commit misconduct in America -- whatever a cop does, from
jackboot raids to extracting confessions with a billy club,
will be sanctioned by the court. You're open to a police
search whenever you're outside your house, and they won't
need a warrant to invade your home if they act in 'good
faith.' That will keep the liberals busy.
But what about the business community?
I asked.
They'll certainly notice that our economy is going down
the tubes.
Ziegler sighed. Look at the major cause of the
current recession. Since you're in Colorado, you know that
much of our economic structure is based on the notion that
real-estate prices will always go up. People believe that
when they invest, banks lend on that assumption, and so
forth. So when real-estate prices stabilize or drop, we're
in big trouble.
That stands to reason,
I agreed. What's your
plan?
Farmers have parity, where they're guaranteed a price
based on a good year, and the government buys the crop at
that price if the market won't. Soon we will announce a
'Real-Estate Parity Program,' based on 1980 prices. If your
empty office building would have fetched $50 million then,
and only $250,000 now, the government will make up the
difference. This will stabilize loans and investments, and
thus prevent a banking collapse while adding
liquidity.
That's wonderful,
I said. I have an old house
for sale. The county assessor says it's worth $28,000, and
I'd be glad to get that. It's about time the Bush
administration did something for me.
Sorry. The minimum is $10 million. As you must know,
America can't be a major economic power without the
discipline of the marketplace.
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