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Most of what you read or hear provides new things to worry about. But there are several recent events which should make us feel relaxed and comfortable.
For instance, Rocky Flats must improve its public image before we start to worry that the neighborhood plutonium mill is being run in a haphazard manner as it produces triggers for weapons of mass destruction.
But the spin-controllers will soon hit upon the
solution. They'll call it a baby food factory,
and
invite Peter Arnett over for a live broadcast. Then we
won't need to worry.
Or you could be afraid that George Bush -- the man who got into the White House with the Pledge of Allegiance and Willie Horton -- is changing his ways.
The Conservative Victory Committee produced and bought a TV ad which supports Bush's Supreme Court nominee, Clarence Thomas, by attacking potential confirmation opponents, all Democratic senators: Joe Biden for plagiarism, Alan Cranston as part of the Keating Five, Ted Kennedy for a career that runs from cheating at Harvard to Chappaquiddick to the Palm Beach rape.
Senatorial debauchery really has no bearing on Thomas's
fitness for the Supreme Court, and Bush, of course,
denounced the ad. Thus he can stand on the moral high
ground while insuring that we pay close attention to the
totally counterproductive
ad which he supposedly
detests.
That's the way he generally operates -- let others sling the mud while he advances -- so we need not worry about instability in the White House.
The scare-mongers might have alarmed you with the news that math scores on the Scholastic Aptitude Test declined by 10 points this year.
Their theory is this: if you get a low SAT score, you won't do well at college. If you don't do well there, you won't get a good job. America will lose its world leadership in sitcoms, software and fast-food franchises.
The theory is dead wrong. I had a combined SAT score over 1500, and I never did well college before I dropped out. I've been unemployed for nearly a decade, and my entire life has been an experiment in marginal economics.
I checked with friends. Another high SAT performer did finish college, even got a master's degree. But he's unemployable, partly on account of his very low crap-tolerance levels. Two other friends could boast good SAT scores, and one did finish college. They discussed this while they shared a cell in the county jail last month.
A high SAT score makes you good at Trivial Pursuit. But it does not make you finish college, it does not make you productive, and it does not get you a good job or allow you to keep one. If you have trouble taking orders from stupid superiors, then you're not a team player, and America doesn't have much use for you.
So the drop in SAT scores means only that there are fewer unemployables who get more satisfaction from a good book than from a steady job. That means more people to believe that Rocky Flats is a wholesome place and to believe that George Bush actually hates scurrilous political campaigns which benefit him.
In other words, low SAT scores will result in more America as usual, and why should anybody worry about that?
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