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In the upheavals of 1992, the first to declare their independence from the Colorado General Assembly of Corporate Deputies were the central mountain republics of Grand and Summit, whose rivers had long ago been expropriated by the Denver Board of Water Commissars.
We were never supposed to be part of the United
States, let alone Colorado,
a rebellion leader said.
We were not included in the Louisiana Purchase by the
United States in 1803, nor was our territory assigned to
Spain in the Adams-Onis Treaty of 1819 to be part of the
plunder of the 1846 Mexican War. This is a sovereign area,
not part of any Federal Union.
Apparently pre-occupied with congressional re-apportionment, Colorado Governor Roy Romer failed to send in Revenue Ministry troops (the widely feared Black Briefcases) to quell the uprising in Peakistan, which levied an export tax on water and gained U.N. assistance in collecting it.
Disturbances then intensified in the southern republics
of Colorado. Our language has been declared
unofficial,
the resolution of independence said. Our
schools slide further into poverty while the police state
of Colorado builds more prisons.
Fearful of a repeat invasion by helicopter-borne Wildlife Ministry troops, the Confederation of San Luis formed a military alliance with neighboring New Mexico, and it also received immediate diplomatic recognition from the breakaway People's Republic of Boulder.
The so-called Breadbasket of Colorado
was next to
secede. Hotheads around Springfield in the American
Agriculture movement had been agitating with little success
for years before their message caught on in Weld County,
the agricultural leader. Our vital wheat exports have
been tied to the vagaries of federal foreign policy, and we
have suffered,
a spokesman announced, so it's time
to have our own foreign policy.
The secession of Highplainizhan was the final straw for hard-liners in the General Assembly, for it meant the loss of eastern land to subdivide. When Romer returned from abroad, where he had opened a trade office in Vilnius and negotiated the transfer of the Colorado treasury to the United Airlines, the hard-liners launched a coup.
Romer was to be held incommunicado at a remote pet shelter in the Principality of Strickland, an area under firm hard-liner control. However, a Denver TV helicopter broke through the defense perimeter (two cougars found roaming in Denver suburbs which were rescued by Duchess Luanne before they could be destroyed). Romer broadcast an urgent appeal for help to U.S. President George Bush.
It is this administration's policy not to interfere
in the internal affairs of any nation,
a White House
spokesman responded, and this includes the United
States.
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