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· Gov. Roy Romer announced yesterday that the gold on the Capitol Dome may be the clincher in his year-long bid to bring a United Airlines maintenance center with 6,000 jobs to Colorado.
After Kentucky chickened out,
the governor said,
United mentioned some geographic difficulties they had
with our site -- it appears that certain mountains in our
Front Range complicate approaches from the west, especially
with ailing jetliners that need service. We agreed to tear
down Mount Evans in order to provide a level playing field
in this competition. Denver needs the gravel anyway, so
it's a benefit to our economic-development efforts.
We've also matched Oklahoma City's offer of all
first-born children -- face it, we don't have any money in
the state treasury to educate those kids, so we might as
well give them to United. We'll kill two birds with one
stone that way.
The governor speculated that United might use the metal from the Capitol dome to cover a jetliner, but Defense Secretary Dick Cheney said that would be illegal, since the Pentagon has a monopoly on gold-plated aircraft.
· The National Organization of Bleeding-Heart Believers has given its stamp of approval to Louisiana Gov. David Duke. This action may avert a threatened boycott of New Orleans by national conventions and professional sports organizations.
Gov. Duke now says that he was deeply offended by the
racist, anti-Semitic and anti-Catholic statements he often
heard from his boss 20 years ago, but he knew that if he
made a protest or if he refused to join the Klan, he might
lose his job,
a NOBHB spokesperson said.
Under the Anita Hill Standard of Moral Courage,
adopted in 1991, no one is required to act under conscience
at a given time, if making any sort of complaint at that
time might jeopardize that person's career-advancement
goals. After all, there is a time and a place to have
principles.
· Following a campaign swing through Colorado, President George Bush angrily accused all 28 resident Democrats of staging displays in order to embarrass him.
I assure you,
the President said, that this
recession thing has been over for more than a year.
So why do I see men sleeping under bridges, families
living in cars and kids scrounging through restaurant
Dumpsters when my limo speeds by? Why are there
boarded-over storefronts, empty office buildings, lines at
the welfare office, hundreds of hitch-hikers and
pan-handlers?
The President charged that this is all staged. Those
people are really all quite prosperous now, thanks to the
cut in the capital-gains tax and the thousand points of
light. If you want dirty politics, go find out who's
organizing these shams and spectacles.
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