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The other night I saw that our remodeled Safeway now offers videos for rent. Desiring to watch a movie, I filled out a form, noting that I had lived in Salida for 14 years and, to the best of my knowledge, there were no outstanding warrants with my name on them.
The form also asked about credit cards. Since I was being truthful, I left that field blank.
I'm sorry,
the clerk informed me, but we can't
issue a video rental card unless you have a Major Credit
Card.
But this is a little town, not the Real World,
I
protested. You know where to find me if I don't return a
video on time.
A lot of people here have complained,
she
consoled, but the policy comes from Denver, and we have
to go by it.
When the Cold War was going strong about 15 years ago, I devised a theory about little mountain towns -- they're the American equivalent of Siberia. In the USSR, they took politics seriously, so people who committed political crimes were exiled to cold, isolated places. In America, they take money seriously, so it is the people who commit economic crimes who get exiled to cold, isolated places.
The principal American economic crime is a low crap tolerance level, which causes an inability to adapt to corporate culture. But there are many other serious offenses against the capitalist state -- impaired credit rating, gaps in your resume, majoring in English literature, taking care of your children, smoking, preferring to drive as little as possible, etc.
Those guilty of economic crimes were exiled to towns like Kremmling and Salida, where you could get by without a Major Credit Card because you could charge things, when necessary, at the lumberyard and the drugstore.
That system may not have been perfect, but it
functioned. Now the Real World, in the form of Major
Credit Card required before we'll even bother to talk to
you,
is invading our exile camps.
What can those of us without Major Credit Cards do now? We tried to escape before, and the Real World came and found us again. We can't rent cars from Hertz or videos from Safeway. It's often tough to get a motel room when all you've got is cash. Mail-order firms frequently balk at shipping COD; they want a Major Credit Card number. Try to run, or try to stay and do your business, and they always demand a Major Credit Card.
Now that the American answer to Siberia is turning into just plain America, where are we exiles supposed to go? Lacking plastic, we have become worthless unpersons without ever leaving home, without ever committing a crime. At least the Russians offered brainwashing for their prisoners, so that they had some hope of fitting in someday, but America won't even give us that much. Nobody wants to do business with us, and we can neither leave nor stay.
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