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My kids often complain about current-events quizzes at school, and after I saw one, I know why. Their tests miss the important issues and focus on irrelevant matters like Stealth crashes and Chinese arms shipments to Libya. Here's a relevant quiz:
Section I -- Democratic U.S. Senate Race:
1. Name a traditional Democratic group which Dick Lamm has not offended.
2. Is it sexist to vote for Josie Heath just because she's a she?
3. Is Ben Campbell a cowboy or an Indian?
Section II -- Republican U.S. Senate Race:
Match the candidate's name with the statement which best describes him:
4. Terry Considine
5. Sam Zakhem
6. John Donley
7. Don Fain
8. Ken Chlouber
A. Once jammed the vote tabulator so that the General Assembly could not conduct business, but has never been properly honored for this act of public service.
B. Is not Don Bain.
C. Campaigns with symbols of the Democratic party; the
Lakota might call him Runs with Donkeys.
D. Wants to limit both terms and abortions.
E. Ran for mayor of Greeley in 1973.
Section III -- Presidency of the United States:
9. Why do people support Ross Perot?
A. He's an outsider who still knows how to hustle fat contracts from the federal government and pork-barrel largess to subsidize his private projects.
B. He can understand and sympathize with the plight of those forgotten Americans whose net worth is only $2 billion.
C. They don't know anything about him.
10. Which is the major remaining unanswered question about Bill Clinton's character?
A. Is it really true that he has been known to hang out with questionable people, like Rhodes scholars?
B. Does he fake songs on the saxophone if he doesn't know all the notes?
C. When he golfed at the Little Rock Country Club, did he ever kick a ball out of a bad lie?
11. The best reason to re-elect George Bush is:
A. He wants to raise telephone rates to make it easier for the government to tap your phone.
B. He charges only $92,000 to have your picture taken with him.
C. You are better off than you were four years ago.
ANSWERS:
1) Most liberal college students are too young to remember Lamm's tenure. However, there are only 11 liberal college students in the entire state.
2) Would it be sexist to vote for a male candidate just because he's a he? Of course. Sexism is sexism.
3) Both. He's on both sides there, which is why he'll probably win.
4-D, 5-A, 6-E, 7-B, 8-C.
9) C -- in politics this year, the devil you don't know is preferable to the devil you do know.
10) B
11) Unless you're a revolutionary who's waiting for America to fall apart, there are no good reasons for re-electing George Bush.
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