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Where's some global warming when we need it? For the past fortnight, each day has dawned glorious and clear. By noon, the sky is slate and a cold drizzle has settled in.
Ray Dangel, who has the unenviable chore of editing these columns, recently returned from a vacation in Portland, Ore., where it was uncharacteristically warm and sunny. He believes that Denver and Portland have swapped climates and that there's nothing which mere mortals can do about such cosmic alterations.
But I'm more optimistic. I believe there is hope for our planet. Scores of big jets are flying into Rio de Janeiro this week for the Earth Summit. Combine their effect on the ozone with the carbon-dioxide emissions from the fleets of limousines employed by ostentatious heads of state, and dryness and warmth could return to Colorado.
And there are things the rest of us can do to help the earth. For instance, I've learned how to recycle used motor oil. My dad always kept some around for treating fenceposts, and nothing improves a bicycle chain like an overnight soaking in some used 10W-40. But mostly I just pour old oil on the woodpile. It keeps pests away and the wood burns a lot better. You might protest that burning is not a good way to recycle oil, but that's what most commercial recyclers do with the oil they collect.
To get some other environmental tips for the Earth Summit, I contacted Dr. Itzallah Skham of the Ersatz-Green Institute of Environmental Obfuscation. Among his suggestions:
1. Don't use recycled paper, and don't contribute paper
to recyclers. New paper comes from trees. The more new
paper people use, the more trees that the paper industry
needs, and thus, more trees that will be planted, each one
working to convert carbon dioxide into oxygen. And every
gram of carbon that we can bury in a landfill is one gram
less of carbon to be oxidized.
2. If you must buy a new car, buy American. The
Japanese carmakers pay proportionately more of their income
to the workers; as the workers' paychecks rise, so does
their consumption. Buy American, and Lee Iacoca gets $4.2
million a year or Robert Stempel of GM gets $2.2 million.
Once you have that kind of money, increased income does not
cause a proportionate rise in consumption of resources.
Obviously, one guy with a new yacht doesn't cause nearly as
much pollution and consumption as 100,000 households with
new lawnmowers.
3. Be a couch potato. Cocoon with the TV set and you
might burn a kilowatt per hour. Go outside and garden, and
you'll likely dump chemicals into the biosphere. Jog, walk,
skate or cycle, and you're producing carbon dioxide. Camp
or backpack, and you can't help but despoil nature.
Anything you do besides vegetating in front of the tube is
destructive.
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