< PREVIOUS ] [ 1992 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
My favorite inside source is Ananias Ziegler, media-relations director for the Committee That Really Runs America, and he was looking for some help the other day.
We need some cynical members of the cultural elite to
work on the Bush re-election campaign,
Ziegler
explained, and I thought you could give us some names.
In fact, you might be interested yourself. The money's
pretty good.
I could use it,
I agreed. But I live in
Salida. The closest we get to the elite is when their Lear
jets fly over; we're under the route from Santa Fe to
Aspen.
Never mind,
Ziegler said. We've got to come up
with new versions of Willie Horton and the Pledge of
Allegiance.
Tough to make Clinton a coddler of criminals,
I
conceded. He's executed a few murderers in Arkansas. And
it will be fun to watch Bush explain how he used to meet
with convicted cocaine dealer Manuel Noreiga, or how he
connived at arms shipments to Saddam 'Worse than Hitler'
Hussein, not to mention all the felon Reagan-appointees
Bush used to hang out with.
But there's patriotism. Clinton evaded the
draft.
So did Dick Cheney, Bush's secretary of defense,
I noted. And there's draft-dodger Dan.
But Quayle's great on family values.
You forgot Tipper Gore,
I cautioned. Now the
Democrats have their own purity dingbat with a solid record
of accomplishment in convincing Americans that we can't be
trusted to know what we want to read or watch or
hear.
Environment,
Ziegler said. Arkansas's not
exactly pristine, and the Boston Harbor shots worked great
in '88.
Al Gore will eat your lunch on that one,
I
warned.
Damn,
Ziegler muttered. And we've got to
consider Ross Perot, the temperamental tyrant who'd
disregard our constitution.
Do you want to argue that everything Ollie North did
was constitutional?
I asked. And if you want to hit
Perot for sweetheart deals on government contracts, the HUD
scandal could heat up again real fast.
I've got it,
Ziegler shouted. There's the Bush
strategy for 1992.
Go up the middle?
I asked.
Precisely,
Ziegler said. Most Americans have
broken a few laws, and don't really want a totally
anti-crime administration. We'll paint Clinton and Gore as
zealous young Dudley Doright types, whereas Bush is an
understanding man. And Perot will appear as some kind of
button-down maniac in contrast to relaxed George Bush. We
can even portray Bush as a tolerant sort who once hired
someone with a beard. We'll show Tipper complaining about
racy lyrics, in contrast to the late, great Lee Atwater on
blues guitar.
But won't that be a big change for George Bush?
I
wondered. Sure, he was once a moderate, started out as
pro-choice, but then he became rabidly anti-abortion. He's
sterilized the National Endowment for the Arts. He raised
taxes when he said he wouldn't, and he said 'give peace a
chance' when he's gone to war twice in four years.
George Bush makes a chameleon look like the Rock of
Gibraltar,
Ziegler agreed. Change comes easily for
him.
But what if some people complain about all his
contradictions?
I asked.
If you dare to point out that George Bush is shallow
opportunist who'd say or do anything to win an election,
we'll just attack you as a member of the dread cultural
elite, and you'll be dead meat,
Ziegler promised.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1992 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >