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Although the Republican national convention this week has all the suspense of a recitation of the alphabet, pundits tell us that this coronation is nonetheless necessary.
Not because it demonstrates that there are thousands of Americans who, despite their wealth and power, are still so stupid as to visit hot humid Houston in August, but because the convention allows us to get to know George Bush better.
Each day will have a theme, so that by the end of the week, we should be able to answer these questions:
1. An abortion is:
A. Properly a woman's decision (before 1980).
B. A murder (since 1980).
C. Permissible for members of your own family (1992).
2. Saddam Hussein is:
A. Someone the U.S. can do business with, as well as tilt toward in Iraq's war against Iran (1988).
B. Worse than Hitler (1990).
C. A convenient scapegoat whenever the President is slipping in the polls (1991-1992).
3. George Bush's home is:
A. Inside the Beltway in Washington, where he has spent most of his career, even though he wants you to think he's an outsider.
B. The family retreat at Kennebeckport, Maine.
C. A hotel suite in Texas, which has no state income tax.
4. The theory that all of America will prosper if taxes on the wealthy are cut, and campaign contributors are allowed to loot the banks and national treasury, is known as:
A. Voodoo economics (1980)
B. Morning in America (1984)
C. Leading to recession. What recession? (1992)
5. George Bush would like to go down in history as
A. The environmental president, despite his refusal to sign global-warming treaties in Rio de Janero this summer.
B. The education president, even though American schools continued to deteriorate during his term.
C. The prosperity president, who in 1988 promised 30 million jobs in eight years, and still has 29 million to go four years later.
6. He should be re-elected because:
A. He is a man of his word, as with no new
taxes.
B. His foreign-policy triumphs in Tokyo and Panama City.
C. He supports family values -- the closing of Silverado by federal regulators may have been delayed in order to protect his son, Neil.
7. His most-admired leader of antiquity is:
A. Nero, who fiddled while Rome burned.
B. Richard the Lion-Heart, who reigned for 10 years but spent only six months of that time in England.
C. Caligula, the Roman emperor who appointed his horse as proconsul.
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