< PREVIOUS ] [ 1993 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
My pile of unanswered correspondence is beginning to rival the pile of unpaid bills, so it must be time for my stint as the answer man.
Dear Ed: Recently you used the word urning,
and I
it's not in my dictionary. What's it mean?
Answer: It is hard to find in a dictionary. It isn't in the newest Random House unabridged, nor is it in American Heritage or the Agate-Type-Book-of-the-Month-Club-Hustle edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.
However, it is in Webster's Second International,
wherein it is defined simply as a male homosexual.
Since the word is obscure, it's also neutral, and thus
useful.
There are three other obscure but useful words I've also
tried to promote. One is pottle, which is two quarts or
half a gallon, as in Could you get a pottle of milk
while you're at the store?
The second is swive,
which means to engage in
sexual intercourse, as in we were startled as we walked
in the park because there was a couple swiving in the
bushes.
Swive
is informal, yet inoffensive, and
thus serves well.
Finally there is kakistocracy,
which means
government by the worst elements of society.
I've discovered some other good words -- teathe
for the dung of bovines, anywhen
as an analog to
anywhere,
and darg,
the amount of work done
on a day when all goes well -- but I haven't worked up the
courage to employ them yet.
Dear Ed: Why haven't you commented on the Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood controversies?
Because it was my understanding that it is illegal, at an employment interview, to ask a woman about her child-care arrangements. If it's none of a private employer's business, why is it a public employer's concern? And if various laws are so widely broken, could it be that the law itself is the problem?
Dear Ed: February is the shortest month, so why is so much scheduled now?
Good question. It's National Heart Month, National Travel Month, Black History Month, and doubtless I've missed something.
We have all these activities so that we won't have time to wonder how high the suicide rate would be in Colorado if there were no February Thaw -- one of nature's great blessings, and the only reason our population won't decline by 800,000 before March 1.
Dear Dad: Have you forgotten about me?
No, Columbine, I haven't. I know you're in Denver this morning as part of the Colorado Close-up Program, which offers high-school students a chance to see our legislature at work.
However, I have hesitated to mention this in writing, because your mother and I could someday get charged with some form of child abuse for allowing our 17-year-old daughter to be exposed to the Colorado General Assembly. Please don't acquire an incurable childhood trauma.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1993 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >