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Dr. Pat Feelgood is not a physician (indeed, the doctorate, from the University of Correctness at Boulder, is in comparative deconstructionist criticism of non-literature from non-Dead non-White non-European non-Males) nor a licensed therapist, but the counselor is a survivor of several 12-step recovery programs.
So it was with some hope that Uncle Sam, desperate for an economic recovery program, made an appointment with Dr. Feelgood.
I'm addicted to deficit spending,
Uncle Sam
began. I always make promises that the budget will be
balanced by 1980, or 1984, or 1990 -- and then I break my
word and betray the people who believed me.
Deficit spending is like a powerful drug,
Dr.
Feelgood explained. There may be times when you need it,
but after you start taking it, you can't make yourself
stop, even when it's the last thing you need. But let's
look deeper here. Why do you think you keep taking it, even
when you know it's not good for you?
I want people to like me,
Uncle Sam confessed.
With deficit spending, I can still provide programs to
people, which makes me popular, and I can avoid raising
taxes, which would make me unpopular. The bankers and
lawyers and doctors -- the people whose approval is
important to me -- all love me when I take lots of deficit
spending.
Dr. Feelgood mulled on that. Putting the needs of
others ahead of your own? Sam, that's the major symptom of
co-dependency. Face it, Sam, do you really think they have
your interests at heart, or are they just looking out for
themselves when they praise you for giving them more
money?
They're great people,
Uncle Sam insisted.
Sam, you're in denial,
Dr. Feelgood said. I
can understand why someone in your position needs public
approval, but you should realize that there's a lot more
public out there. Have you considered joining a support
group.
Uncle Sam brightened. Like the G-7, with Germany,
Japan, France, and other advanced nations?
Dr. Feelgood checked the client questionnaire. Sam,
based on indicators like infant mortality, income
distribution and life-expectancy, you should be in the
less-advanced group with Greece, Spain and
Argentina.
That can't be so,
Uncle Sam protested. I'm the
world's only military superpower.
Please, Sam. There's nothing wrong with that, but I
want you to take a deep, calming breath and try to
visualize yourself as something different -- an economic
superpower, or an intellectual superpower.
Uncle Sam relaxed. All right. It's tough, but I do
get a few kinder, gentler images sometimes.
Dr. Feelgood continued to probe. Have you consulted
any other therapists about your problems?
Of course,
Uncle Sam explained. For eight
years, Dr. Reagan told me to chant this: 'I'm good enough,
I'm strong enough, and dog-gone it, people like
me.'
But according to your chart, your deficit problem got
much, much worse then, even though your self-esteem was
momentarily enhanced.
And then there was Dr. Bush,
Uncle Sam added.
But I never was sure what he wanted me to do, except get
into fights. Now I'm seeing Dr. Clinton.
And what does he tell you?
Dr. Feelgood
asked.
To cut spending and raise taxes, thereby get the
deficit under control, to play the hand we were dealt
instead of trying to assign blame,
Uncle Sam said.
It'll never work,
Dr. Feelgood said. It makes
too much sense for our New Age.
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