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While most pundits argue as to whether homosexuals might become a protected class of citizens if Amendment Two is thrown out or repealed, the Colorado General Assembly has created a new protected class -- people walking near abortion clinics.
Last week, both houses passed a law which creates an eight-foot buffer zone for pedestrians entering or leaving such clinics, so that anti-abortion have to keep their distance.
That sounds fair enough. The protesters still get to
shout their gruesome, hysterical messages while the chances
of physical confrontation will be reduced. The
constitutional rights of free speech and public assembly
remain intact; the bubble zone
appears to be an
excellent application of the adage that your rights end
where my nose begins.
But why should only one special, protected class of
citizens enjoy a state-enforced bubble zone
?
Say you're walking along the sidewalk, minding your own business, and a panhandler or preacher materializes from an alleyway.
It's one thing if this nuisance stays at least eight feet away; it's quite another when he gets into step beside you and shares his halitosis while he explains at length about how much he needs his next bottle of Mad Dog 20 or why you'll roast in molten sulfur for eternity unless you drop to your knees at that instant.
A further benefit is that full bubble-zone rights for every citizen would force an expansion of sidewalks. As it is, each person gets about four square feet of a busy sidewalk; the bubble-zone raises that to about 200. The 50-fold growth would have to come out of streets. Making less room for cars and more for people would discourage driving, which is expensive and unhealthy, and promote walking, which is cheap and healthy.
Nor should your bubble-zone protection apply only to those folks exercising their First-Amendment rights. Walk from your parked car to the entrance at any shopping mall, and you face imminent death from drivers whose minds are preoccupied with finding a parking place that will save them six or seven steps.
There are many close brushes which require nimble footwork to avoid compound fractures, and the negligent drivers always glare at you as though you're the offender. We need a bubble zone there, too, with strict enforcement.
And why not make the bubble zone apply to door-to-door salesmen? When they're in your face, they're often hard to dismiss quickly. Make them stand back and poke your doorbell button with a ten-foot pole, and you'll have an easier time sending them on their way to the next household that doesn't need aluminum siding or copper cookware.
A bubble zone would also be a blessing when you're on a bus, train or plane. Sometimes you feel like conversation and your seatmate is interesting; such happy accidents may even lead to lasting friendships.
More often, though, you've got some reading to catch up on, or you just want to loaf and enjoy the scenery. But your seatmate insists on babbling interminably about past lives, trade deficits or landscaping. Invoke your bubble-zone protection, and this annoyance has to shut up or move at least eight feet away.
Obviously, we could all use bubble zones; the more I think about them, the more necessary they seem for the peace and dignity of the people of Colorado. So why did our legislature stop at abortion clinics?
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