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Now that the offensive Redskins no longer represent Arvada on fields of glory, we can assume that the purification of Colorado nomenclature will advance. But where will the crusade turn next?
Perhaps on Pitkin County, named for Frederick W. Pitkin,
who was elected governor in 1878 after he made a simple
campaign pledge: The Utes must go.
It must be conceded that Pitkin came much closer to keeping his campaign promises than most of his successors in the statehouse, and thus his name should be enshrined among the oddities of American political history.
But the Nuche probably don't see things that way. A compromise might be possible -- restore the original name of Ute City to Aspen, the county seat.
Colorado also has a Custer County, named for the Butcher of the Washita who was once court-martialled for abandoning his men in the field. Whether you judge George Armstrong Custer by a martial or humane standard, he comes up short, and we will hear that the Wet Mountain Valley is much too pleasant a place to be besmirched with such a name.
Out on the high plains, there's Kit Carson County. For some reason, the Navaho still hold hard feelings about how Carson betrayed them, starved them by destroying their farms and livestock in Canyon de Chelly, and then brutally marched them to the Bosque Redondo concentration camp.
Taken as a group, though, our county names are fairly balanced here, since we also honor Indians with Arapahoe, Cheyenne, Kiowa, Ouray, Saguache and Yuma counties.
However, what will happen when feminists look at the list of 63 county names and see men everywhere: Alva Adams, Antonio D. Archuleta, William Bent, Jerome B. Chaffee, John H. Crowley, James W. Denver, Stephen A. Douglas, Samuel H. Elbert, John C. Frémont, James A. Garfield, William Gilpin, John Gunnison, George Hinsdale, Andrew Jackson, Thomas Jefferson, William Larimer, just for a start? Many of these men were racist, chauvinist, homophobic and otherwise undeserving.
The only woman honored with a county is the Virgin Mary; Dolores County came from the Dolores River, originally Rio de Nuestra de los Dolores (River of Our Lady of Sorrows).
This could raise questions about separation of church and state -- if there are Dolores, San Juan and San Miguel counties, why not Sinawaf and Coyote Trickster counties?
At any rate, Colorado offers not even a pretense of balance between male and female namesakes, and we will someday hear that this a shameful performance.
And that will be just a start. Our map offers many
offensive or elitist names: Son of a Bitch Hill, Cannibal
Plateau, Squaw Pass, Harvard, Superior, Victor. There's
even a Stoner,
clearly an impediment to the War on
Drugs.
Will the purification come one battle at a time, as it has so far? Or will there be a wholesale renaming convention? Either way, I can't wait.
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