< PREVIOUS ] [ 1993 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
Despite the earnest proclamations that the Colorado economy would be destroyed by the boycotts inspired by Amendment Two, we just concluded a record ski season and ample bookings loom for summer rafting. Home construction and sales are up, and even in sleepy Salida, you often must wait to cross a street.
This seemed confusing, and I found an explanation from one Werner Reitwing, commander of the Orange County Brigade to Colonize Colorado, based in Anaheim, Calif.
Read your history,
he said, and you'll see
that southern California was first promoted as a paradise
for decent right-thinking Americans from Iowa. We
succeeded, and now it's time to conquer a new frontier --
Colorado.
I often read of the recent influx of
Californians,
I noted. And you're behind
that?
To some extent, yes,
Reitwing conceded. But
only our kind of Californians.
How can you insure that only your kind come?
I
wondered.
Amendment Two,
Reitwing explained. We provided
money and ideological support to get it passed in Colorado.
And we knew that the left-liberal element would then
promote a boycott. The boycott keeps degenerates, pinkos,
even tolerant creeps out of Colorado, lest they be
denounced in The Nation. This means that Colorado becomes
very attractive to the Colonization Brigade's wholesome
kind of people, both as a place to vacation and as a place
to move to.
His logic sank in, and I had no argument. Depressed, I
changed the topic. Maybe the environmental movement will
stop your awful plot to turn us into a haven for rich white
reactionaries,
I offered.
Hah,
Reitwing snorted. Look at Crested Butte,
a resort town that feels threatened by the revived Amax
plans for a molybdenum mine -- a mine that
environmentalists will oppose, and we'll help them.
What?
I muttered.
Look at it this way,
he said. We need a
low-paid servant class in order to enjoy our vacations and
second homes. The average mining job pays $35,000 a year;
the average Colorado tourist job pays about $12,000. Keep
the mines out, we don't have to compete for labor, and we
maintain our comfortable leisure lifestyle with cheap
gardeners, cooks, maids, etc. The greenies oppose mines,
and so we're glad to help them in any way we can.
I tried to answer his perverse logic. But if you're
trying to keep costs down, why are real-estate prices
rising?
You have to look at where the money goes,
Reitwing said. Your Amendment One is like our
Proposition 13 -- a limit on local taxes in a time of
soaring real-estate prices.
You could have low property values and higher local
taxes. Then our money might be wasted on schools, parks,
police, roads, public health and all that other creeping
socialism. With high property values and low taxes, the
money goes to good people like savings-and-loan operators,
mortgage brokers, real-estate speculators, developers of
covenanted subdivisions -- you know, the wholesome
salt-of-the-earth folks in the Colonization
Brigade.
Feeling worse than depressed, I played my hole card.
You know, I plan to publish this conversation and expose
your nefarious takeover plot.
Reitwing chuckled. Who'd ever believe this?
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1993 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >