< PREVIOUS ] [ 1993 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
Recently a gracious correspondent noted that I erred in
writing about Cinco de Mayo; he pointed out that the
celebration is now properly known as Coors Light Cinco
de Mayo,
just as Salida's FIBArk festival has evolved
into Bud Light FIBark
and the old Hibernian holiday
has become Killian's Red St. Patrick's Day.
Far be it from me to disparage the brewing industry of this great republic for revising our calendar. In America, what point is there to holding a holiday or celebration if there's no way to make money off it?
On this Independence Day, it should be noted that without one Samuel Adams of Massachusetts, we might well have remained a colony of Great Britain, with our adoring press and television filled by the latest peccadilloes of a decadent aristocracy.
Samuel Adams, a cousin of John Adams, the second president, helped spare us that dire fate because he was one of the best propagandists known to history. The Boston Massacre of our schoolbooks -- bloodthirsty redcoats wantonly shooting into a crowd of peaceful civilians -- was a result of his talent for revising facts.
Objective historians note that the British soldiers, greatly outnumbered, were surrounded by a violent mob heaving cobblestones and bricks, and fired in self-defense.
A biographer calls Adams a propagandist who was not
overscrupulous in his attacks upon British officials and
policies . . . Adams saw to it that they [British troops]
were portrayed in the colonial newspapers as brutal
soldiery oppressing inoffensive citizens and assailing
their wives and daughters.
(There's even a Colorado connection. Among Adams' conspirators in organizing the Boston Tea Party was one Silas Bent, whose grandsons in 1832 built an adobe castle for trading peltry on the banks of the Arkansas River. The restored Bent's Fort, near Las Animas, is a wonderful place to visit, though you should wait until fall unless you enjoy spots where it's 110 degrees in the shade and there is no shade.)
Adams ran a brewery when he wasn't promoting violent
revolution. And in recent years, a Samuel Adams ale has
appeared at taverns. Thus it is inevitable that soon we
won't need to settle for a mere Independence Day
because we'll celebrate a glorious Samuel Adams Fourth
of July.
Why should breweries get all the holidays? Well, when we examine the colonial economy, the other major factors were things like slavery, tobacco and furs -- all of which have been, or soon will be, outlawed.
Fortunately, we have other holidays which do not require an appreciation of America's colonial heritage, and our calendar might look like this in the near future:
Jan. 1: Alka-Seltzer New Year's Day. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz -- you'll need it to enjoy watching the Prudential-McDonald's-Goodyear Sunshine Bowl after over-indulging last night while celebrating Seagram-Absolut-Frito-Lay New Year's Eve.
Feb. 15: Vail President's Day, brought to you by the largest ski resort in America -- and skiing is the real reason you've got the day off,right?
May 31: McDonnell-Douglas Memorial Day. America's largest defense contractor helps us to remember.
Oct. 12: Crazy Horse Malt Liquor Columbus Day Protest Day. The brewery, responding to protests from Native Americans, agrees to sponsor Indian protests of Columbus Day parades, in the hope that Pat Schroeder won't again try to outlaw the name.
Nov. 11: Citibank Veterans' Day. One of its ancestors
was National City Bank of New York. Now let Gen. Smedley
Butler explain his career in the Marine Corps. I spent
33 years . . . being a high-class muscle man for Big
Business, for Wall Street and the bankers. . . . I helped
purify Nicaragua . . . I brought light to the Dominican
Republic for American sugar interests in 1916 . . . I
helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National
City boys to collect revenue in.
Nov. 25: Butterball Thanksgiving. Not just a Turkey Day, Butterball Day. Also means that it's time to start shopping for Wal-Mart Christmas.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1993 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >