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Our national parks sadly lag behind the times, offering mere scenery when modern Americans demand sophistication in recreation.
If you're outdoors, you've got to work at it to learn to discern one evergreen from another -- spruce have sharp needles, lodgepole is skinny, clearcuts have slash piles to glean, that sort of thing.
But indoors, you can just double-click on the fractal
image on your computer and then hear a synthesized voice
inform you that The ponderosa has thick red bark that
smells like vanilla.
Certainly that's an improvement on the usual interpretive ranger talk, and if you have children, there's another benefit to staying indoors.
Take the kids outside, and they could see something inappropriate, as happened several years ago in Rocky Mountain National Park. An insensitive coyote ran down a bighorn lamb and proceeded to enjoy dinner in sight of several cars containing impressionable youngsters.
Their parents, concerned that their offspring might be permanently traumatized, sent angry letters to local newspapers to the effect that the rangers had failed miserably in the important job of making coyotes behave like cuddly Disney characters.
Given these complication, it's heartening to see that the Park Service is catching up. A private interpretive center is planned for Rocky Mountain National Park, and an Imax theater has been proposed for Zion National Park in Utah so that we can appreciate the slickrock experience without risking sunstroke, thirst and gravity.
If the Park Service continues its progress, we'll soon enjoy these Colorado attractions:
· Jurassic Monument. A long drive to Dinosaur, Colo., but well worth it. Round-the-clock screenings of the Spielberg classic, as well as a behind-the-scenes look at DNA sequencers and vector animation. Quarries also open to visitors, but why bother? It's hot and dry.
· Old Growth National Monument. Worried that America isn't saving its old-growth forests? These sequoias are about 20 million years old, and they've been preserved for posterity. If that's not saving old growth, then what is?
Don't worry about insect pests -- all our bugs have been preserved in amber so that you can examine them in air-conditioned comfort. About five miles south of Florrisant, Colo., and a good potty stop on your way to the casinos of Cripple Creek.
· Mission del Mesa Verde. Sure, you can suffer through a personal inspection of Colorado's oldest condo development, but the professional video preview will allow you to select your time-share vacation getaway in comfort. A cooperative venture between the National Park Service and the Colorado Association of Realtors, 20 miles southwest of Mancos.
And while you're touring our new and improved national parks, don't miss Sandland east of Mosca, Rimrock 'n' Roll near Fruita, and the awesome multi-media Canyon of Color of the Gunnison, just south of Crawford.
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