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To date, the regional news media have done an excellent job of informing us about the presidential and papal visits. We know the agenda, the sites, the routes, the broadcast plans, the security arrangements, the costs, the collected grumblings of the Arapahoe County sheriff, etc.
Only one vital piece of information has been omitted -- how to escape if you don't care to participate.
Sad to say, I have it on good authority that there are a few anti-social sorts who just don't feel up to performing a Big Western Welcome for the Leader of the Free World and the Head of Christendom. Nor do these subversives plan to demonstrate in favor of abortion or higher federal deficits. From what I hear, they would prefer to hide until they can resume their normal lives.
My first thought was to promote Salida as a refuge from the hoopla. It's a pretty big deal here if a bishop visits, so I'm sure I'd have heard if the pope were coming. No suitable miracles or visions have occurred hereabouts, and local history offers many notorious sinners, ranging from Hod Tabor to Laura Evans, but no certifiable saints. There's no reason for the pope to visit.
We should also be immune from presidential invasions. Our congressman is a Republican, not a wavering Democrat who might need succor after the budget vote. The last time Chaffee County mattered to a president was in 1948, when Harry Truman gave 'em hell while the locomotive took on water and coal.
However, local rumor has it that some raft outfitters have booked hundreds of trips for World Youth Day participants, so the Arkansas River may be as crowded as Cherry Creek Reservoir. With that traffic, and the Cabrini Shrine sitting between here and there, you might as well look for solitude and serenity in Civic Center Park.
Where else to hide? The San Luis Valley, usually a convenient escape from the horrors and throngs of the late 20th century, abounds in monasteries, shrines, moradas and the like; it's safe to assume that the Valley cannot serve as a refuge this week, and that probably holds for southern Colorado in general.
The Interstate 70 corridor is hopeless on a normal day, let alone this busy time. If you can get there, Walden, Cowdrey or Gould should resemble the Colorado we knew and loved. You could also try heading east -- chew some water in Sterling, pick fresh hail in Grover, see if anybody's home in Keota.
As for me, I figured that if there was some reason for me to see the pope or president, one of their people would call for an appointment. But it may not work that way. You may recall that my older daughter, Columbine, is to be an exchange student in Iceland during the 1993-94 school year.
Guess what day she flies out of Denver? Right. It's Thursday, the same day the pope and president fly in. I haven't been so excited since the last time I went to the dentist.
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