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The common advertising phrase new and improved
sounds as redundant as greedy lawyer,
component
part
or sleazy tabloid.
After all, if it's new,
it should be improvement, or else why bother?
Of course, that isn't always so. We've recently learned out that ultrasound scanning doesn't produce healthier babies, that driver's education does not result in safer drivers, that early detection of cancer does not increase longevity, and that the dissolution of the Soviet Union does not insure peace on earth.
However, lest I be accused of aspiring to curmudgeonhood, I should point out that some relatively recent products really do represent an improvement:
· The cordless screwdriver. My dad gave me one for Christmas a few years ago, and at first I thought it represented a new level of American decadence.
But just open a computer case for the fifth time in an hour, trying to figure out why it works with the case off but not on, and the cordless screwdriver prevents carpal-tunnel syndrome. It saves considerable money, too, because it keeps the frustration level below that which brings out the eight-pound sledgehammer for further precise and delicate adjustments to the computer.
· The deck screw, also known as the drywall screw. By whatever name, this bugle-headed self-tapping fastening device goes in and out with ease, and it holds with a grip an alligator would envy. For further evidence of their utility, note that deck screws never go on sale at the lumberyard, since you'll gladly pay the going price.
· The compact disk. It's easy to locate a cut on a record, but vinyl wears out and acquires scratches. Cassette tapes often get eaten by decks, and finding one track is worse than a nuisance. Compact disks solve both problems.
Sound quality is reputedly better, too, but men of my age don't hear well enough to notice, since we abused our eardrums with loud stereos during our jejune days, listening to the same music on an LP that we later bought on cassette and then on CD, thereby providing three sets of royalties on the same work to the artist and thus insuring a comfortable retirement to aging rock 'n' rollers who never bothered to set up a pension plan.
· The Colorado Library Card. I think that's what
the CLC
on the little sticker stands for. At any
rate, the sticker is free at your local library, and with
it, you can check out books anywhere in the state.
Generally you have to return them to the distant library,
but that's quite affordable because the Postal Service
still offers the cheap book rate.
(Critics of health-care reform charge that it will run like the Postal Service. Let's hope so. The Postal Service certainly isn't perfect, but it does serve every American, everywhere, at a reasonable price.)
· Telephone service. Only a decade ago, your phone came in one color, black, and all you could do was talk on it. Any other use cost extra, and you paid that extra every month to a monopoly.
Now you can add smart extension phones, modems, fax machines and answering machines without paying outrageous rental fees to the phone company.
Further, long-distance rates have dropped so much, and
long-distance is so mundane, that the old trick of saying
I'm calling long-distance
to get connected when
Ms. Stabber-Bach is in conference
results in so
what?
· Tires. Even the cheap tires last a lot longer than they used to. You hardly ever see anyone changing a flat next to the road. Tire companies have run into financial trouble because we don't have to buy as many tires as we once did. This may indicate a problem with free-market capitalism -- improve a product so that it doesn't need frequent replacement, and you go broke -- but let some think tank grapple with that one.
FOR JOYCE: The note said 3 consecutive columns for the contest. Let's go with:
7/25, Court rulings really don't matter
7/27, Improving our national parks
8/1, 10 reasons for trees in the driveway
Thanks.
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