< PREVIOUS ] [ 1994 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
With the National Western Stock Show underway, our
regional information highway system
fills with rodeo
news, and always there is a feature which explains how the
rodeo began as a way for working cowboys to show their
stuff -- bull-dogging, calf-roping, bull-riding, etc.
That's only fair. Some of us, like architects, nude models and newspaper columnists, display our work to the world. Others may labor in relative obscurity, but hold public competitions for their special skills -- say, miners with drilling contests, or firemen with hose races.
But not everyone gets that opportunity, and it makes you wonder how much entertainment we miss because most other professions do not publicly compete with the skills and attitudes they bring to work every day.
Truckers: ESPN could drop in and out with coverage of the Iron Driver Marathon, where America's long-haul drivers find out who can stay behind the wheel longest without attracting attention from state troopers. The winner not only stays on the road for upward of 36 hours, but also has a forged log book which indicates eight solid hours of sleep each night; fortunately, there are no blood or urine tests for the competitors.
For short-term thrills, be sure to catch the Tailgate Terrorizing. A small car runs at 75 mph in the left lane. For at least 30 seconds, the truck driver must stay within 10 feet of the car, blinking his lights and making hand gestures. This is a delicate test of skill, because if the little car chickens out too early, or the trucker smashes it, the trucker loses points.
And don't miss the Scale-dodging (the winner can cross the continent with a 20-ton overload), the Wide-corner Swing and the Battle of the Jake-brake Decibels.
Carpenters: Lots of skilled hammer-handling here. How many consecutive 16d nails can the champion drive with only one swing? And what of the one-handed nail drive, performed while hanging off a shaky ladder 20 feet above ground? The dexterity of driving a sequence of bent nails, growing more twisted until the nails look like pretzels?
But it's more than hammering. With tool belts and both hands full, they race up and down splintered ladders leading to steep roofs that have no toe cleats. There's a contest like a spelling bee, except they add fractions.
The grand finale comes when we see who can frame a wall the fastest -- it doesn't matter if the wall is square, as long as the drywall crew can cover it so that the judges are fooled. After the drywall hangers, the trim crew competes to disguise any wall problems, followed by the painters. The ultimate basis for the judging is whether anyone would pay $90 a square foot for well-disguised jackleg work.
Police: Find out who on the night shift can consume the most doughnuts and coffee. Move on to the exciting in-your-face harassment of pukes, scum, hairballs and dirtbags -- a contestant is immediately disqualified for stepping over the Miranda line. See them scramble to kosher illegal evidence, and discover which of our finest can come up with the fastest and easiest way to legally seize, without benefit of hearings or other due-process annoyances, money and property coveted by the department.
Bankers: Who's got the best variation on We'd like to
make this loan, but the federal regulators are looking over
our shoulders all the time lately
? Who's managed to tie
up
more than $100,000 in collateral for a $5,000 loan? Who has red-lined the most neighborhoods without attracting attention?
That's just a start. Think of getting a chance to watch computer programmers at their consoles, coming up with clever hacks that will lock up your machine so that you'll have to spend big bucks with technical support. Or lawyers competing to see which one can bill 30 hours in a 24-hour day. Bureaucrats vying to expand their fiefdoms even when overall budgets are cut. Telephone experts going head to head, all aiming to produce the most convoluted voice-mail system.
As the rodeo reminds us, it can be exciting to watch people compete with their workday skills. So why not expand the arena?
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1994 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >