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Quick, fetch the smelling salts

Published 17-May-1994 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1994 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

When I was in grammar school, we learned that America was superior to the Soviet Union because women suffered full equality under the godless commies. Russian women were coal miners and truck drivers. American women, thanks to the prosperity produced by benevolent capitalist enterprises, could devote themselves to higher things, like having milk and cookies ready for us when we got off the schoolbus.

Then a wave of feminism swept across the Republic. In those days, truck driving and coal mining often provided good union wages with decent fringe benefits.

These careers looked good when compared to the other work offered to college graduates when Baby Boomer BAs flooded the market: waiting tables, thinning sugar beets, stocking shelves.

So women sought the better jobs, and their argument made perfect sense: Give us a chance and judge us as individuals. We can do the work and fit right in.

The result now seems rather idyllic. Since I worked for small newspapers -- shops with low pay and meager benefits -- I worked around many women. Most were more talented than my male colleagues at being one of the guys. They swore fluently, told raunchy jokes well, met demanding deadlines, and greeted last call at the local saloon with boos and catcalls.

Today, alas, such a pleasant office would be a hostile workplace environment which tolerated a culture of sexual harassment that inflicted permanent emotional trauma upon the plaintiff in this action.

Certainly there's no excuse for forced sexual contact, but that's not the issue here. I'm just talking about daily banter, and it appears that feminism has moved back several waves, to Victorian times.

Although there were no legal penalties, there were severe social penalties for uttering the wrong words in the hearing of ladies. Thus we still refer to white meat and dark meat when eating chicken or turkey, because a century ago, you didn't utter breast or thigh in mixed company.

Since leg was a forbidden word, you said limb, and pianos were often adorned with crocheted pantalettes around their limbs so that no lady would suffer emotional trauma from glancing at a nude upright in the parlor and then experiencing stress because the word leg entered her delicate nervous system.

Around Cripple Creek, they may still tell the story of the proper woman who arrived in the rough mining camp and inquired of a local prominence, Bull Hill. After hearing that, and then being revived by smelling salts, she insisted that the mound was in fact Gentleman Cow Hill.

The result of all this prudery? Women were assumed to be too fragile to endure daily society. Early telephone companies wouldn't hire female operators because they might inadvertently overhear terms that would make them blush or worse.

Is that what people want today? I hope not, but the more you see arguments for censorship (pornography is rape) and the equation of a bawdy joke with a true horror like Tailhook, the more it appears that want it or not, that's what we're getting: a return to the full flower of Victorian delicacy.


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