< PREVIOUS ] [ 1994 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
Recently I read one of those 10 best
and 10
worst
articles. It was in Colorado Business magazine
and concerned our state legislature. Therein I discovered
that the local state senator, Linda Powers of Crested
Butte, made it to the bottom 10, in large part because
she's an unreconstructed hippie.
This provoked some thought, because I've been called
much the same thing, and I know quite a few people who'd
probably qualify, too. If there are indeed many
unreconstructed hippies
infesting Colorado, don't
they deserve some representation in the legislature?
But that's a naive view. Legislators aren't there to represent the public at large, but the small portion of the population which expresses an interest in public affairs by making substantial campaign contributions and engaging former legislators as lobbyists.
In political history, reconstruction
refers to
the policies that the victors imposed on the Confederacy.
There was a civil war, one side lost, and the federal
government went to considerable expense and effort during
the 1870s to reconstruct
the losers so they'd fit
into the corrupt industrial society of the Gilded Age.
Certainly one can draw parallels across a century, but if there was an official reconstruction program for hippies, it escaped my view. And I really wanted to learn to play golf, to get excited about Las Vegas and to make $400-a-month lease payments on a Lexus.
This could mean a commercial opportunity, perhaps for one of those psychiatric hospitals now trying to fill empty beds by advertising to parents worried about their teenagers. Just reverse the pitch:
Embarrassed by your 60s leftover parents? You know
the humiliation of riding in a '63 VW microbus when your
friends all have spiffy mini-vans. The frustration of
trying to study internal rates of return when Jimi Hendrix
is blasting through the house. And the heartbreak of losing
friends when they visit your house and discover a poster
with a peace symbol?
Well, fear no more. Gouger Hospital of Aurora has
just opened a new wing for its exclusive Hippie
Reconstruction Program.
In just six short weeks, we'll have your folks
listening to Barry Manilow, maybe even Perry Como. They'll
junk those old Econoline vans and microbuses in favor of
hot new Audis and BMWs. Minutes after they get home,
they'll be calling an upscale interior decorator, and all
those peace-symbol and pot-plant posters will go to the
landfill.
And don't worry about the cost. Many employers will
cover the Hippie Reconstruction Program because they've
discovered that our clean-cut cured clients -- perfect
candidates for the state legislature -- are the most
reliable, efficient employees. They wouldn't even think of
joining unions or filing an unemployment claim after a
corporate downsizing.
Don't suffer needless pain and humiliation. Call
today, and let our Hippie Reconstruction Program turn your
hairball parents into normal people. It's not just the best
way, it's the American way.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1994 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >