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The approach of Independence Day inspires one to examine conditions on this continent in 1776 when a group of hemp growers, slave owners, tea smugglers, rum runners, tobacco purveyors, male chauvinists, commodity speculators, land developers, attorneys at law and similar undesirables gathered in Philadelphia to foment an armed rebellion against the leading superpower of the 18th century.
We modern Americans have gained a reputation for being whiny creatures of delicate sensibility, but from what I can deduce, our founding fathers were much worse than we are.
For instance, various police agencies recently erected a
roadblock north of Salida where they made random
inspections for guns, money, drugs, and similar personal
items.
George III never ordered his lobsterbacks to stop random farm wagons and inspect them for muskets, untaxed tea, baled hemp, continental dollars and other contraband.
If King George had taken such steps to protect the
populace from violent gangs like the Sons of Liberty, the
Declaration of Independence certainly would have denounced
such roadblocks as yet another in a series of Injuries
and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the
Establishment of an absolute Tyranny.
The Declaration, after all, is the same document which
complained mightily about petty annoyances like refusing
his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary
Powers.
See how we modern Americans are much more rugged than those hypersensitive rich white guys who adopted the Declaration? We don't whine, and they sure did.
They would have complained if the crown had required
that all correspondence be in such form as to be easily
comprehended by nosy royal authorities. Today, our
authorities may require the clipper chip
so they can
monitor our communications as they push telephone companies
to make fiber-optic lines easier to tap, and we're very
adult about this. A few folks might complain, but we don't
have mobs heaving stones.
There's plenty more we can handle that they couldn't.
They moaned that King George had kept among us, in
Times of Peace, Standing Armies,
and had been
quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among
us.
Modern Americans, unlike our forebears, are tough enough
to handle that. In fact, there's a big push to keep Fort
Carson open because it's profitable now to borrow money
from future generations in order to maintain large
Bodies of Armed Troops among us.
Colonial America teemed with places founded by off-beat religious sects which deviated from the mainstream Church of England: Baptists in Rhode Island, Puritans in New England, Quakers in Pennsylvania, Roman Catholics in Maryland.
If King George had dispatched an army of Hessian
mercenaries to burn out one of these bizarre cult
settlements like Baltimore or Providence, and had then
convened a royal court to place the survivors in a dungeon
for 40 years because they had fired back when they were
fired upon, then you could be sure this royal outrage would
have been denounced in the whiny Declaration of
Independence as yet another reason to dissolve the
Political Bands.
But in modern America, we're tough. We can handle a Waco without getting perturbed and starting a rebellion.
How tough are we? Suppose King George had created a Department of Witch Eradication in every shire of his American holdings. And he had then empowered his witch hunters to compel testimony against people's wills and to act on the uncorroborated testimony of children who fantasized that they had been troubled by witches.
Our founding fathers would have gotten upset about that
-- they're the same sissies who couldn't even tolerate the
king's depriving us, in many Cases, of the Benefits of
Trial by Jury.
But in modern America, we're strong. Little things like that don't make us to pick up our muskets and drill on the village green. Indeed, we provide secure jobs to such witch-craft finders in our county departments of social services.
Catch this one: He has erected a Multitude of new
Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our
People, and eat out their Substance.
Only wimps would rebel at that trifle. We're tough and we're flexible. We can adjust to the DEA, FBI, ATF, IRS, INS, F&WS, EPA, Secret Service, CIA, NSA, Forest Service, Park Service, et al, and we can do it without even complaining, let alone revolting.
Times have changed. The more you look at the Declaration of Independence, the more you see a bunch of privileged white guys whining about very minor things that we tolerate easily today, and conversely, they tolerated things like hemp and tobacco which we enlightened moderns know are incompatible with civilization.
There's no real point in commemorating them or their declaration, and it's time to abandon the pretense.
Let's quit celebrating the Fourth of July and the Declaration of Independence. With all the silly whining, it's an embarrassment, and we've outgrown it. Unlike them, we're tough enough to take it,
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