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Just west of Colorado Springs, on the way up one of the seven known Ute Passes in this state, sits the town of Manitou Springs.
Although Manitou Springs has twice voted twice against gambling, a gang of five motel owners had plans to amend our state constitution to allow casinos there, and that amendment would have overturned an amendment passed in 1992 which stated that no town could have gambling unless its voters approved.
This seemed trouble enough for any small town, but now the town that doesn't want casinos is under attack by Kevin Tebedo of California for Phantom Values, a/k/a Colorado for Family Values.
Why?
Apparently the Manitou Springs planning department figured that Manitou residents, rather than some ambitious motel owners, should start making some decisions about what sort of community they would live in.
And so, the town planning department began to assemble
the Rainbow Vision Plan.
Tebedo got upset.
Now, a good conservative might get perturbed about any sort of municipal planning, since it smacks of socialism and diminishes the right of private property owners to do as they please with their real estate.
A religious zealot could understandably get riled by the
very name Manitou.
After all, it's the name of a
pagan divinity, and some of the heathens who worshipped
Manitou also practiced polygamy and tolerated Berdachee.
Why allow Manitou
to besmirch the map of this great
Christian nation?
But Kevin Tebedo did not attack Manitou Springs for its
infidel name or its attempts to direct private enterprise
with the Rainbow Vision Plan.
Instead, Tebedo found the loathsome word
diversity
in the plan, and noted that The word
'diversity' is without a doubt a buzzword for
homosexuality.
Further, the rainbow
in the
plan's title was yet another arcane shibboleth cleverly
placed there by the militant homosexual lobby, which might
have gotten away with this outrage if Tebedo had not been
so vigilant.
Tebedo wanted the Manitou planning department to revise
its documents so that the planning document would not
give off these signals and use these code words.
In a way, this is a comfort. I had feared that it was only campus leftists who cared about enforcing speech codes and political correctness by attempting to ban certain words and phrases from the language. Now Colorado for Family Values has demonstrated that right-thinkers can be just as moronic.
By Tebedo's logic, every use of the code word
rainbow
is an assault on traditional family values
and a dire threat to the peace and stability of this great
republic.
If I lived in Cotopaxi, the biggest settlement between Salida and Cañon City, I'd be worried every time I crossed the river. Cotopaxi boasts a general store and some houses, but the town's major structure is a bridge across the Arkansas. On the side of the bridge is a sign with, of all things, one of those secret rainbow symbols.
Colorado for Family Values had best send a convoy up the canyon and remove that bridge before more children get corrupted by seeing the wicked rainbow sign -- on a public structure, at that.
While on the highway, the Colorado for Family Values Rainbow demolition convoy should keep an eye out for bakery trucks, and take them out when spotted. Granted, the Rainbo Bread Co. doesn't spell the word properly, but people are doubtless susceptible to such pernicious influences, and why take chances when the future of our children is at stake? Who knows what dire fate awaits an impressionable boy who makes a peanut butter sandwich out of Rainbo bread?
When I was in high school, there was an organization
called Rainbow Girls,
and for all I know, it still
operates. Tebedo must attack that, just in case it's a
cover for some sapphic recruiting society.
A Denver telephone directory reveals dozens of Rainbow
enterprises, including, horror of horrors, several
Rainbow Pre-Schools.
Among these abominations are
Rainbow Chapel
and Rainbow Christian
Center.
After Tebedo and Colorado for Family Values eliminate these threats to life as we know it, they've got to burn Bibles.
In Genesis 9, after Noah steps off the ark, God promises
that the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy
all flesh,
and to symbolize this covenant, I do set
my bow in the cloud.
Every week, millions of children go to Sunday School and learn about Noah and the ark. These misinformed children thus see the sparkling rainbow as a gift from God. They don't know that it's really a secret code word for the agenda of the militant homosexual lobby.
Burning every Bible, dynamiting a bridge, taking out a fleet of bread trucks, closing down Rainbow Girls, censoring the Manitou Springs Planning Department -- these are demanding and perhaps dangerous operations, but how else can Colorado be made safe for family values?
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