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At hand is a correspondence from Robert A. La Massena of Lakewood, an author known well to my fellow railroad buffs.
However, he did not settle an enduring controversy as to whether the Mears Junction on a long-abandoned narrow-gauge line was named for Otto Mears or Dave Mears.
Instead, La Massena is concerned that we are failing to observe the provision of our state constitution which designates English as the official language of Colorado.
As he notes, excepting a couple of enclaves like
Estes Park and Colorado Springs, 'English' was never used
in Colorado. Its citizens have always spoken some variation
of the American language, which is not at all the same as
English. The two differ in pronunciation, spelling,
syllabification, meaning, accent, inflection, grammar and
definition.
I confess to violating our constitution. I write of
trucks
rather than lorries,
of
elevators
rather than lifts,
of gas
rather than petrol,
of a car's hood,
nor its
bonnet.
Of course, I'm a mere private citizen who does not write in any official capacity, but our geographic names do represent official state actions, and we tolerate unconstitutional nomenclature.
Not always, of course. Westcliffe
represents
perfect limey English, even if it's misspelled
Westcliff
on the old schoolhouse. Nor could any peer
sneer at Hereford, Portland, Brighton, Dover, Rye, Ludlow,
Avon or New Castle.
Alas, those are exceptions. More typically, there's the
town of Center
in southern Saguacheshire. Why isn't
it Centre
?
Our map contains scores of creeks.
(By the way,
is the stream near Longmont the St. Vrain River or St.
Vrain Creek? I've seen both. And as long as we're dealing
in official ambiguity, why do we have Arapahoe
Street in downtown Denver and Arapahoe
County to the
south, but Arapaho
National Forest to the west?)
Some of these creeks have lent their name to official Colorado political units, such as the towns of Cripple Creek, Oak Creek and Dove Creek, as well as the County of Clear Creek.
But in real old-country English, a creek is a small arm of the sea, not some gulch which may or may not have water. About 70 million years have passed since Colorado could claim any legitimate creeks.
Thus our constitution demands some new nomenclature: Cripple Brook, Oak Rill, Dove Rivulet, Clear Flow-Challenged Watercourse.
To date, the only constitutional creek I've encountered in Colorado flows in Rocky Mountain National Park -- cute little Alpine Brook on the east side of Long's Peak. Of course, the U.S. Board of Geographic Names likes to eliminate apostrophes, thereby produce barbarisms like Longs Peak and Browns Canyon. But that's not good English; they prefer St. James's Place.
A good English park is not a mountain-girt valley, but a manicured recreational area, and most of our parks thus need new names: Glade Glen, for instance, or Taylor Glade, along with the big ones -- North Dell, Middle Dingle and South Cup.
Few, if any, English settlements end in burg,
a
German locutions. Thus Julesburg might constitutionally
become Julesby or South Platteford, and Walsenburg could be
Huerfanobridge.
None of this will happen, of course, and that's a great consolation if it's a precedent: That no matter how many dingbat amendments get passed on Tuesday, no one will pay attention to them.
And now to provide a boondocks response to Chuck Green's complaint last week. He observed that political candidates get disgusting and negative without any help from the media.
Listen carefully next week, and see whether you hear
a single politician -- just one, among the pack of
thousands -- who will stand up and say: 'My opponent is a
good woman....'
Down in Custer County, Jeannie Pearl and Debbie Livengood are running against each other for county clerk. I know nothing of either woman's merits for the job, but Jeannie Pearl did run the following ad in the Oct. 27 edition of the Wet Mountain Tribune:
An Open Letter to Debbie Livengood:
Dear Debbie:
People who know us are aware that we work together
and have been friends for a number of years. Although our
political parties have different ideals, I am thankful that
both of our campaigns have been kept on a high plane. We
have both avoided the negative politics which is so common
in today's elections.
We all feel that our little valley and county are a
big cut above most other places, and I believe our
campaigns have proven that point.
While the Tribune's pages are usually filled with
'Thank You' ads AFTER each election, I wanted to extend my
appreciation BEFORE this election.
Sincerely, Jeannie Pearl.
Too bad they both can't be elected.
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