< PREVIOUS ] [ 1995 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
There we were -- the entire editorial board of a small monthly magazine, a columnist for a metropolitan newspaper, assorted other writers, artists, photographers and similar opinion-molding riff-raff -- in the smoke-filled back room of a seedy coffeehouse.
We had just spent four exciting hours discussing the
labor theory of value, and were concluding our
revolutionary vanguard session with a songfest to show our
solidarity. First we sang Pie in the Sky,
then
Joe Hill.
Just as we were about to conclude with a
rousing chorus from the Internationale, the door burst
open.
The door-kicker flashed a badge, too fast to be read,
but introduced himself. My name's Friday, and I'm from
the Thought Police.
His partner chimed in. And we caught you scheming
socialists red-handed. Speaker Newt told us that you
opinion molders were socialists, and now we've got
proof.
One of the conspirators leaned back, dragged on his
Cuban cigar, then said he had heard of the speech in
question. Officer Friday, please correct me if I'm
wrong, but isn't it true that Speaker Newt urged American
corporations to withdraw their support -- advertising, I
suppose -- of organizations which have socialists on the
payroll?
Precisely,
Friday growled. You guys will all
be out of work, and there won't be any Food Stamps for
you.
Then, as a patriotic capitalist American, I'm going
to quit paying federal taxes,
the radical said.
Why's that?
Friday asked, momentarily
confused.
Because some of my tax money goes to pay Rep. Bernie
Saunders of Vermont, and he's a socialist. I certainly
don't want to be supporting institutions which employ
socialists, and Speaker Newt's own House of Representatives
is such an institution.
Don't try any of that fancy-schmancy logic stuff on
us,
Friday grunted. Just shut up and listen while I
read you your rights.
Wait, boss, we don't have to do that any more,
the partner said, just as long as we're acting in good
faith.
Out came the handcuffs, and, well, never mind. It didn't happen. One reason it didn't happen is that there just aren't many socialists who contribute to editorial pages.
The Denver Post, for instance, has a liberal reputation, so I suppose you might look here for a socialist. But you wouldn't find one. You can find some pretty conservative stuff on these pages -- Tony Snow, Cal Thomas, Pat Buchanan in his writing days before he started campaigning again -- but where do you see anyone arguing regularly for public ownership of the electric company or the railroads, let alone factories and farms? Seen any arguments lately in the left-wing establishment media, the enemy of the Republican revolution, for a maximum wage or an excess profits tax?
Perhaps Speaker Newt has a rather broad view of
socialism. His message to corporate executives, according
to his press secretary, was that if they believe in free
markets and a newspaper editorializes against free markets,
they're under no obligation to advertise.
Since no one
has ever been under any obligation to advertise anywhere,
what's he saying that people don't already know?
Besides that, Speaker Newt himself doesn't believe in free markets. During the medical-care debate last year, did he ever call for an open market in medicine, allowing citizens to pick their own providers, treatments and drugs? As he tries to pull the plug on public broadcasting, does he call for the elimination of government regulation, so that anyone might set up shop on any frequency -- a true open market?
Granted, the print media have certain institutional biases. They generally favor spending on education, because people who can't read don't make good newspaper customers. Food stamps mean more people can buy groceries, which means more grocery advertising. For that matter, they usually prefer a bigger middle class, thereby providing a larger market for all the goods advertised in their publications.
As for corporate America, well, find an executive who prefers a free market to a government-protected monopoly. Further, the values that corporate America promotes these days seem to be out of touch with the Gingrich mainstream.
For instance, do you ever see ads that say We pollute
as much as we can, we pay our help as little as possible,
we avoid hiring and promoting women and minorities, and
we're proud to be greedy exploiters?
I haven't. Instead, you find lots of touchy-feely progressive greenie stuff: A woman on a Toyota assembly line. A black quality engineer at a Ford plant. How nuclear power plants could prevent global warming. A dance teacher and her trusty Saturn. How plastic products can be reused and recycled. A recent special section of Colorado Business, certainly no left-wing publication, which proudly lists the 100 largest women-owned companies in Colorado. Even a carpet company, advertising in National Review, promotes the environmental benefits of its products.
So where's the corporate America that Speaker Newt is addressing? And for that, matter, where are the socialists that he's trying to eliminate? Maybe he's one of those 60s products who not only inhaled, but imbibed, and he's got some flashback hallucination problems.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1995 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >