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Some pundits analyze the 1994 election as the revenge of the angry white guys.
They're probably right. Sure, there was talk that this meant a revolution, that federal powers and programs would be moved back to the states.
And you could point to school lunches as an example -- a federal program that is being converted to block grants that states will administer.
Knowing our state legislature, the lunch money will probably go to the Developer & Subdivider Relief Act of 1996, but the concept is good, anyway -- less power in Washington, and more on the state and local level.
But there's a limit to how far Speaker Newt and the boys
want to push that concept. Did you follow their tort
reform
efforts?
Product-liability lawsuits are normally heard in state courts, following state laws. They want to establish federal standards, so that national corporations don't have to worry about punitive soak-the-company juries in various backwoods jurisdictions.
So putting power in the hands of local governments is a good thing when we're talking about feeding children; hungry kids don't need federal protection, and we can trust state government to do right.
But putting power in the hands of local systems is evil when we're talking about big corporations, which need federal protection because we just can't trust states to do right by McDonald's and General Motors.
I wish I could remember who first asked the question
Why is it that we have all these honest conservatives
running at election time, and then as soon as they get to
Washington, they turn into corporate shills?
That's exactly what happened. The Republican majority is not exhibiting an iota of philosophical consistency. If local government is good enough to feed children, then it's good enough to try corporations.
Back to angry white guys. The great organs of national enlightenment, from the newsweeklies to the Village Voice, are full of pious hand-wringing about how the 1994 election was turned by my voting bloc.
I claim it because I fit the demographic profile:
self-employed, no college degree, married with children,
live in a little rural town, drive a pickup. I keep
wondering why I can't get excited because we
just
took over Washington.
And I realize that I'm not excited because this is mere politics, rather than something important like culture.
For instance, the feed store here used to be a male enclave. Dim interior, overcrowded shelves, odd aromas, racy calendars, half a dozen good ol' boys gathered round the roll-top desk swapping lies as they spit tobacco.
About a year ago, some new owners bought the place. Now it's clean and well-lit, and female patrons no longer pass a gauntlet of ogles. They probably even feel welcome.
Doubtless business has improved, but we lost a piece of traditional culture, and that's not an isolated incident.
Look at the honest saloons that have turned into smoke-free fern bars. The greasy-spoon cafes that now offer low-cholesterol sprout-infested cuisine. The barbershops that have become into unisex styling salons. The hardware stores and lumberyards displaced by home improvement centers. The grimy one-man garages forced into extinction by franchised and computerized car care clinics which do not display lurid calendars from the local parts wholesaler.
Little wonder that there are so many angry white guys -- all our institutions of traditional culture are being destroyed.
But no Congress, no matter how many Republicans it holds, could really bring it back. We should turn to the market, rather than the political system, and hope that some clever entrepreneur establishes a new theme park: Guyland.
As soon as you pass the admission gate, you get a ball cap, or more properly, a gimme cap advertising cattle feed, tractors or trucks.
You're allowed to smoke anywhere in Guyland; stogies are preferred, and anything less than a Camel straight gets you called a sissie.
You're also free to scratch, belch, curse, spit and emit flatulance at any time in any part of Guyland. Outdoor urination, while not encouraged, will be tolerated.
Guyland's Main Street would boast standing attractions -- the pool hall, of course, along with sound traditional garages, taverns, barber shops, hardware stores and the like.
Guyland would also promote special events, usually contests. Who can pull a Chevy dipper six fastest with three quakey poles, a come-along and a case of beer? Who can set distributor points with a cold chisel? What team is fastest at stacking hay or getting a pickup out of the mud? Who's got the loudest wolf-whistle?
There are some progressive well-meaning people who might find the whole concept of Guyland offensive. But I ask them to consider the alternatives: one public Guyland park somewhere in America, or a U.S. Congress bent on building Guyland all across America?
I rest my case. And besides, if there's a Guyland, there will be at least one good hardware store left in America.
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