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When our legislators convene in January, they need to appoint an investigative committee to find the real identity of the impostor who has been living in the governor's mansion and appearing in public as Roy Romer.
Last week, at a meeting in Grand Junction of regional leaders who were concerned about declining and expensive air service on the Western Slope, Romer said that he couldn't do much about the problem -- it was up to private enterprise.
That's reasonable. But when Denver wanted a new
Colorado Convention Center
in order to bolster
downtown hotel occupancy a few years ago, did Romer say
a convention center sounds like a good idea, and I hope
you can round up some investors and get one built
?
When Denver wanted a new airport, did Romer say well,
if it's there to serve the airlines, then let them pay for
it
? Or did he get out on the stump and badger Adams
County voters to support DIA?
So there was one Romer who was a fairly traditional Democrat, a believer in public works and public investment. Then there's another Romer who's been popping up recently, telling people that their government can't help.
Now, I have no idea which one is the real Romer. But as Coloradans who hire a governor, we've got a right to know. Do these two Romers share the governor's mansion and office space, or is one on duty while the other one takes a vacation?
Perhaps this is one of those Jekyll-and-Hyde disorders, or maybe something even weirder. Has anybody charted the governor's pronouncements against, say, the phases of the moon? A new moon, and he's out on the prowl, looking for ways to use public agencies to enhance Colorado's infrastructure. A full moon, and he's telling people that he can't do anything about the eight-party lines and sporadic transportation provided by private enterprise.
That said, it's time to move to other pressing issues, like Windows 95.
Ever since I learned to count in hexadecimal so I patch WordStar for a new printer years ago, some people have turned to me for computer advice.
My advice, when it comes to upgrades, is to keep yourself at least one step behind the leading edge. That is, when version 5 comes out, it's probably safe to upgrade from version 3 to version 4. The advantage is that you'll be using tested software, and often it's quite cheap. So I'll wait for Windows 96 before I even consider Windows 95.
Not that I really want to use Windows at all. You take a
fast, responsive and productive computer, install Windows
on it, and you get a sluggard that barely crawls when it's
not producing an Unrecoverable Application Error
or
a General Protection Fault.
Many other recent advances in computation seem to be retreats, such as those icons on the screen, rather than words. Memorizing what the icons stand for is no improvement on mastering arcane written commands like CTTY. Most scholars consider the alphabet a great advance from primitive hieroglyphics, a discovery that seems to have escaped the computer industry.
Or the mouse. Certainly it can be helpful, but modern interfaces rely on it too heavily. Instead of using all ten fingers, as you do when typing, you employ but one finger on one hand, which has to bear all the strain. A carpal tunnel syndrome epidemic is progress?
Or the CD-ROM, another tool that should be useful. But the other day, when I was removing the encyclopedia disk so I could load the clip-art disk, I experienced a familiar sensation. It dawned on me that this was pretty much what I used to do in 1984 on my Osborne I when it was time to switch from word-processor to spreadsheet. Then came the hard disk, and all was well for a few years, until the industry found another way to reverse progress and keep us vexed and annoyed.
Little wonder that so many people hate computers. So let's look at something fun.
On Sept. 17 at the Tabor Opera House in Leadville, the
Colorado History Group will hold a new trial
for
Alfred Packer, Colorado's only convicted
cannibal.
They should know better. Packer was never charged with, nor convicted of, cannibalism. He couldn't have been, because cannibalism is not a crime in Colorado.
To be sure, I asked Chaffee County Judge Bill Alderton,
who used to be a prosecutor. The best I can do is `abuse
of a corpse',
he said, and I doubt a conviction
would stand because the definition is so vague: treating
`the body or remains of any person in a way that would
outrage normal family sensibilities.'
The maximum
penalty for this contravention of traditional family values
is a $1,000 fine and a year in jail.
If you want to see this Packer trial (no appeal since it is before Neil V. Reynolds, judge of the highest court in America), you'll need your checkbook. General admission is $7, students are $5, lawyers are $10, and the deadline is Sept. 8. Make the check out to the Colorado History Group, and send it to Sue Sethney,
CU-Denver History Dept., Campus Box 182, P.O. Box 173364, Denver CO 80217-3364.
I'll see you there, and maybe afterward we can convene an inquiry at a saloon so we can determine which is the real Roy Romer and which is the impostor.
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