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When you think about it, American men are pretty clever. For the past four or five years, we've seen a steady flow of disturbing information and commentary about neglected families, fatherless children, abandoned women and male violence.
This torrent has been so relentless that some men have actually started to ponder these matters. But to move from thought to action would mean spending time with the family, rather than hanging out with the guys.
So us guys, clever fellows that we are, come up with ways to look as though we really care while we continue to hang out with our buddies.
There are a lot of ways to work these scams. On a Saturday morning, the golf course beckons, and alas, there is also youth soccer. But the golf is with some business associates, and it might result in more commerce, and you have a family to support, so you've got to do what's right by your family and go golf with your buddies.
More recently, these hustles acquire a religious aura.
Thus the popularity of Promise Keepers
rallies.
Rather than spend time with your family, you venture off to
hang out with your pals, with the excuse that you need the
inspiration and you'll come back a more dedicated
family-type guy.
And then yesterday, the Million Man March
in
Washington -- same hustle, different color. Yes, dear, I
know I promised to go to the parent-teacher meeting tonight
and sit in really uncomfortable little chairs while
enduring the usual boring blather, but I've got to stand
tall with other men as we proclaim our support of family
and community at this rally in Washington.
Come to think of it, this easy way out is pretty common all across American politics.
Think there are too many abortions in America? The hard way might involve providing shelters and birth-control clinics. The easy way is to find some clinic and march around with signs and shout at the clientele. It's an hour or two of hanging out with like-minded folks, rather than actually helping someone in need.
Want to improve range management? The hard way, one that would actually improve range conditions, would be to buy a ranch and fix fences in the broiling sun and haul feed on winter mornings when it's 40 below. The easy way is to issue press releases.
This doesn't always succeed. A mayor can issue statement
after statement that snow removal is a high priority in
this administration
and that no effort will be
spared to keep our vital arteries clear after
snowstorms.
But eventually, people realize that
speeches and statements don't clear roads.
And I keep hoping that people will realize that speeches and statements do not produce stable family environments, which result mostly from staying home when it would be more fun to go out, buying stuff your kids need rather than a big-screen TV -- that sort of thing.
But you never know. Suppose all this Promise
Keepers,
Million Man March,
and Traditional
Family Values
rhetoric really works and men start
acting responsibly, rather than merely talking responsibly
while continuing the pleasures of hanging out with the
guys.
What would happen? The American economy would collapse, that's what.
One household generally gets by with one refrigerator, one stove, one microwave oven, one lawnmower, etc. Bring in the divorce lawyer (and we have thousands, many of whom would be unemployed if men cleaned up their act), and suddenly there's a demand for two refrigerators, two stoves, two microwave ovens, two lawnmowers, etc.
The demand doubles, even though the population is the same. What a benefit for American industry and retailers, not to mention landlords and realty agents.
Further, look at the labor pool that results from these family divisions. If the guy is responsible, he's got to work a couple of jobs to pay alimony or child support. Generally, there's a woman desperate for work in any form. That means cheap labor, people so glad to have any sort of job that they'll never complain about working conditions. So employers also benefit from divorce, separation, abandonment, etc.
Not all people in these straits go to jobs, of course. Some file for welfare benefits. That means employment for caseworkers, investigators, administrators, counselors -- lots of people who'd have to find honest work if American men acquired virtue.
Scary thought, but fortunately, we don't need to worry.
The Million Man March was in Washington, where the Contract
Congress is busy enacting everything that is good for
American industry and repealing everything that gets in the
way of profits. Every day, there's a silent march on
Washington.
These marchers wear Guccis and carry bags
of money, and their profits come before our values.
Stable families with responsible fathers would cause our economy to disintegrate, so there's absolutely no chance that the Contract Congress will pay any attention, even if 100 million men marched on Washington and brought their wives and children with them.
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