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Every four or five years, a schoolmarm teacher decides that her kids should learn about state government.
In class, they come up with some silly and meaningless proposal -- declaring an Official State Fossil or Official State Insect -- and then go through all the motions of finding a legislator to carry the bill, testifying at hearings, lobbying, hustling the media, etc.
This makes a charming story. Here are these innocent and energetic schoolchildren, trying to gain knowledge of our democratic system and representative government, and here's our insensitive state legislature which often gives them short shrift despite all their cookies and propaganda.
Now, Al Knight would probably get perturbed by the use of school time and resources for lobbying. In theory, it's just the same as if schoolmarms and pedagogues organized their charges to march on the statehouse to demand higher salaries for teachers.
But I figure that if the choice is between lobbying on one hand, and DARE or self-esteem enhancement on the other, then by all means lobby.
This time around, the effort comes from Wheeling Elementary School in Aurora, where third- and fourth-graders under Melinda Terry have been working since 1992 to get the hairstreak butterfly declared the Official State Insect.
Why do we need another Official State Anything? For years we had an Official State Fish, the rainbow trout, and the designation was so significant and important that nobody remembered it when somebody else decided to promote the cut-throat trout as Official State Fish.
In recent memory, we acquired an Official State Folk Dance and an Official State Grass (blue grama, I think -- I delight in Colorado trivia, but this is too trivial to recall).
We are also burdened with an Official State Language,
English, which no one uses (if we used English, the town in
the Saint Lewis Valley would be Centre, and I'd live in the
city of Exit in the state of Red) and which is generally
misused otherwise (all those signs which say the
Smith's,
or the common phrase the media is
).
Thus the designation of yet another Official State Symbol is meaningless.
Even so, let us assume that there is some reason we need a State Insect. Which one should it be?
The mining industry might argue for the silverfish, given the historical importance of that metal to the state's development. A nearby ski resort could lobby for the Monarch butterfly, although that insect spends part of the year in Mexico and might run afoul of tightened immigration laws. I favor the gadfly, but I can understand why others might not.
When the Senate Agricultural Committee held hearings on the Colorado Hairstreak, some witnesses suggested that the honeybee would better serve, since the bee is of economic value because it pollinates billions of dollars worth of crops every year, whereas the Hairstreak is one of those tax-eating welfare insects that neither toils nor sows nor reaps and does not pull its own weight.
By this curious logic, the Official State Bird should be the chicken, not the lark bunting, since chickens are of far more economic value. To put this another way, I've seen scores of Kentucky Fried Chicken stands, but I've never seen a Colorado Fried Lark outlet.
The Official State Ovine would be the common and productive barnyard sheep, not the majestic bighorn, which yields neither wool nor mutton to commerce. The Official State Flower would doubtless be the Streetvendor Rose, sold in far more locales than the Rocky Mountain Columbine. The Quaking Aspen would have to serve as our Official State Tree, since aspen viewing and waferboard production contribute far more to our economy than spruce do.
Perhaps that is beside the point, which is that schoolchildren and the legislature should have better things to do.
On the other hand, when the General Assembly is pondering an Official State Something, it is not increasing taxes or adding laws and regulations to our burdens.
And so those students are performing a valuable public service, even if it looks like a waste of time at first glance. As soon as they get the hairstreak designated, some other teacher can take up the crusade.
For instance, we don't have a State Arachnid, and I can't think of a better candidate than the Wood Tick, which latches onto tourists, sucks their blood, and can then force them to spend thousands of dollars here on medical bills -- there's an economic contribution.
Nor do we have a State Myriapod, and the centipedes will be jealous if the insects and arachnids get designated and they don't. No Official Country Rock, either, just fossils and gemstones, even though it is granite which forms the soaring spine of the Great Divide. For generations to come, our liberties might be safe, just so long as the children continue to lobby the legislature for Official State Somethings.
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