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When in the course of human events

Published 2-Jul-1996 in the Denver Post
Copyright ©1996 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

It is July 4, 1776, and the delegates to the Continental Congress in Philadelphia emerge from the old statehouse, ready to retire after a busy day of pledging their lives, fortunes and sacred honor.

Alas for the 56 men, they've been caught in a time warp. When they step outside, they face a line of TV crews.

Mr. Henry, Mr. Henry, one correspondent shouts. No one replies. Finally a delegate explains that Patrick Henry of Virginia was not delegated to this congress.

I don't mean Patrick Henry, I mean John Henry -- the guy with the signature, as in 'Put your John Henry here.'

I am John Hancock of Massachusetts, presiding officer of the congress, states an man in knee-breeches, and it is my signature that is at the fore, writ large so that King George will not need his spectacles to perceive it.

You sure your name's not John Henry? the blow-dried correspondent persists. They told me to get a stand-up with John Henry, since everybody's heard of him.

Meanwhile, several crews have cornered Benjamin Franklin near a pillar. Mr. Franklin, is it true that you carried on an affair with some tart, and she had a kid?

Franklin blinks behind his spectacles. Of what possible relevance to this proceeding is this tired allegation of wenching and bastardy? Today we have challenged a mighty empire, and unless we all hang together, most assuredly we shall all hang separately.

That's not a denial, Ben, the interviewer continues. Do you concede that William Franklin of New Jersey is your illegitimate son?

Never hath I denied that, Franklin replies, but do note that this occurred ere I took Deborah to wife.

Mr. Franklin, another correspondent shouts. I just heard that this new declaration thing has been sent to the printer. Won't that be the firm of Franklin & Hall? Doesn't this represent a conflict of interest? Aren't you just in this to line your pockets?

The printer of the Declaration is John Dunlap, Franklin responds. Please excuse me from your further inquiries, unless they concern the momentous question of the day about our relationship to the British empire.

You're trying to stonewall us, comes a chorus. Don't you believe in the people's right to know?

Close by, Virginia delegate Thomas Jefferson also answers questions.

Is it true, Mr. Jefferson, that when Virginia needed you during the French and Indian War in 1760, when you were of age to serve in the militia, you instead attended the College of William and Mary? Can you explain your craven avoidance of military service?

The good people of Virginia have trusted me to represent them here, Jefferson replies, and should they find me wanting in physical courage, they may replace me at their pleasure. Do you inquisitors have more for me?

Yes, Mr. Jefferson. You raise tobacco and hemp. Do you realize that your plantation could be confiscated?

By whom? Jefferson asks. Even King George is not such a tyrant and despot as to tell his subjects what plants they may cultivate. He turns to another reporter.

Isn't it true, Tom, that you keep slaves?

Alas, 'tis so, Jefferson confesses. In an initial draft of the Declaration we adopted today, I called for the abolition of this execrable commerce which Britain hath commenced upon this continent. But South Carolina would not join our cause unless that proviso was deleted, and as Dr. Franklin hath noted, we must have unity.

So you're willing to compromise your principles for political expedience, a stand-up commentator proclaims. And why is it that this so-called congress lacks diversity? It's all white males.

John Adams speaks up. Mine own dear Abigail hath written me concerning that very topic, that the fair sex be included in any future polity.

The roar of questions increases, and the alarmed delegates flee back indoors, where it's still 1776. John Hancock takes the gavel and asks for motions from the floor.

Richard Henry Lee of Virginia rises. Gentlemen, I believe that outside this chamber, we saw the future if we should pursue the course which I advocated in my motion of June 7, wherein I advocated that these colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent states.

I beseech the consent of this congress to withdraw that motion, and substitute instead a motion for adjournment, for I perceive that no good will come of the present course if it means that the essayists of the future will concern themselves with mere vanities and trifles, rather than the great questions of the age.

His motion passed unanimously and the delegates crept out the back doors. The correspondents outside turned their attention to rumors from London that Queen Charlotte had been carrying on an affair with Lord North.


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