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Last fall, I was talking to a rural county official who must remain nameless here, and after we finished a common out-state ritual involving some arcane incantations (the ritual failed, by the way, because the Colorado General Assembly duly began its session last week), the conversation turned to the weather.
I'm hoping for an early, long and brutal winter,
he said.
Now, I can live with harsh winters. I lived four years in Kremmling, where the daily high was often below zero, and the nightly lows reached Siberian depths. But coping with hard winters is like changing diapers -- I may know how to do it, but that doesn't mean I like it.
I mentioned that I had rather enjoyed the recent mild winters, recalling a Christmas day when we sat out in the yard for several hours, clad in T-shirts.
I haven't minded these easy winters, either,
he
said, but we have to look beyond our mere personal
preferences, and consider what's good for society
hereabouts.
At the time, I was somewhat public-spirited. But that was before the Salida City Council proposed an ordinance to limit the number of hours that a car could be parked on a public street without being moved.
We have a 1965 Dodge Dart, a precious family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. It sometimes sits for weeks without moving -- it's our backup car in case the other one is in the shop or has been borrowed by our daughters.
The 32-year-old Dodge is licensed and insured and all that street-legal stuff. Since it's rusty and dented with a shredded vinyl top, just by sitting in front of the house, the Dart depresses nearby property values and discourages People of Money from moving into our pleasant little neighborhood.
But now, the city will require us to get it off the street, no simple matter with a small lot like ours, or to fire up the Dodge every 72 hours and drive it around the block -- a process that, with an old slant-six engine running cold, will create clouds of pollution.
Many cities are trying to figure out to decrease mindless auto use, and Salida's fixing to require it. But when you've got 19 cops on the payroll, they need something to do, I suppose. Further, there seems to be no legal requirement that people holding municipal office have functioning frontal lobes.
So my state of public-minded citizenship has diminished considerably since last fall when the nameless county official was yearning for a harsh winter. But why would he wish for one?
As you know, we've got growth problems in our
county,
he said, and most of the influx has come in
the past three years, when the winters have been as mild as
a Barry Manilow festival. Those people don't have a clue as
to what winter can be like around here.
He concluded that If they get a dose of a hard
mountain winter, they might just move on and leave us
alone. And they won't be telling their friends about how
Colorado has this wonderful climate that often allows
people to choose between golf and skiing on a given day. If
a tough winter that starts in October and lasts till June
chases out the trendies, we'd be left with just people who
really want to live here.
I've heard similar sentiments all around town this winter -- that these arctic spells instill all manner of virtues.
A local health zealot noted that people step out for a smoke much less often when it's below zero, and the public health must thereby improve during cold snaps.
A retired fellow down the street observed that he holds considerable Public Service stock in his portfolio, and a few gelid weeks would support a trip to Cancun.
Even a Realtor confessed that he sees benefits. There
is some desire among new residents to sell out and get out
after they endure a year of hail, lightning, mud, unplowed
roads and frozen plumbing,
he said, and so I get to
churn that property again and get another commission on it.
You won't hear me complain about a hard winter, and it's
not going to keep people from moving here.
And so, despite all the wishful thinking I've heard, I really don't see much benefit in this frigid winter.
Especially this year, with half of California under water, mudslides in Seattle, floods in Nevada and similar catastrophes. Colorado, no matter how cold, is bound to look rather tolerable by comparison.
Which means this winter won't do what many of us wanted it to do, and the People of Money will continue to invade, and I'll have to go out and start the Dodge every third day in order to maintain my status as a law-abiding citizen. But once in a while, I plan to park it in front of one of their houses.
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