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What's with this Tiger Woods phenomenon? I can't pick up a paper without reading gushy prose about his golf prowess and what a wonderful example he sets for young people, especially young people of color, in this country.
I can't speak from personal knowledge here, of course, but I have always cherished the belief that black nationalist parents, when taking their children on rides, pointed to golf courses as an example of how backward white people are.
Look over there, son. See all those white men and
women in funny outfits waving sticks at little white balls?
Can you imagine our people being stupid enough to do
anything like that?
Yes, father, I do see them, and no, I cannot imagine
our people ever indulging in such foolishness. But many of
the evil Ice People seem to be just standing around
talking.
Mighty observant of you, son. They do stand around
and talk plenty on those golf courses, when they're not
cheating or hustling each other.
What might they be talking about, father?
Son, my spies tell me that they talk about how much
healthful exercise they're getting walking to and from
their carts.
They talk about how they're preserving the
environment with this open space and scenery, but they use
tons of chemicals to make that grass so dense and so
green.
But mostly, son, they have the usual conversations
that rich white folks have -- they swap racist and sexist
jokes, they conspire to restrain trade so that they can
raise prices, they discuss ways to further oppress and
underpay their employees so that they can reduce
costs.
So, father, I gather that golf is another example of
how shallow and petty the White Devils are?
That is so, son. I hope you have noticed how our
people are too strong and smart to get involved in
something so pernicious. And it is my fervent prayer that
our people will never be corrupted, demeaned and disgraced
by this degenerate activity.
Alas, that was just a hopeful fantasy on my part. Judging by the hosannahs devoted to Tiger Woods from all segments of our society, no such conversations ever take place.
So, let's move on to conversations that did take place, more or less. Saturday morning, I read that our state senate had rejected Gov. Roy Romer's nomination of our former state senator, Linda Powers, to the board of the Colorado Compensation Insurance Authority.
Saturday evening, I was in Gunnison and ran into Linda.
She was not heartbroken about this rejection. Can you
believe this?
she asked. I don't think the state
senate has ever rejected one of those nominations
before.
The ostensible reason for the rejection came from Sen.
Dave Wattenberg, who said Powers might not be as
favorable to business as she could be.
This made about as much sense as golf. Linda owns and
operates a small retail business in Crested Butte, and on
several occasions I have heard her speak just like other
small business owners, with fervent complaints about
payroll taxes, unemployment-insurance premiums, growing
paperwork burdens and the like. It's really hard to imagine
her as anti-business.
Further, it isn't exactly the legislature's job to represent only business interests.
Our state constitution begins with We, the people of
Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of
the Universe ...
It does not open with We, the
business owners, subdividers, highway contractors and
real-estate developers of Colorado, with profound reverence
for the Almighty Dollar ...
I suggested to Linda that it might be a badge of honor to be rejected by this state senate. She agreed, and we started speculating as to who might gain approval as sufficiently favorable to business.
How about Sherman Bell? He took command of the state
militia in 1903, marched into Cripple Creek where the
miners were on strike, and illegally arrested the union
leaders after he shut down a newspaper.
But he was sort of squishy -- he did release the
miners after a judge ordered him to. That could mean
confirmation trouble these days. I'd go for John Chase, who
commanded the militia during the strike at Ludlow in 1914.
He actually opened fire with machine guns, and had more
than a dozen bodies to show for it.
Do you think that's enough?
Probably. After all, the senate would like to adjourn
soon, so that they can get in some golf.
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