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Yesterday was Memorial Day, set aside to honor those who
died in American military service. Old-timers sometimes
call it Decoration Day
-- as they explain it, the
idea was to visit the cemetery to decorate the appropriate
graves.
Now, of course, it's an occasion for special sales at electronic and auto retailers across this great republic.
However, the rumor is not true that the Colorado General
Assembly has declared it the Official Beginning of Summer
Tourist Season, with the Memorial
henceforth an
acronym for Many Enterprising Mountain Operations Rake
In A Lot.
In the past fortnight or so, I've picked up quite a few publications which offer guidance to summer events and attractions in Colorado. At first glance, they appear quite thorough, but upon closer reading, I've discovered that they missed a few:
· Alpine Gridlock Festival. Generally they hold this along Interstate 70 between Idaho Springs and Avon, since the multiple lanes offer more opportunity to join the celebration, which involves extensive sacrifices of gasoline to the ruling deities of Colorado, who are pleased by the fumes and arrange matters for more offerings.
However, it has become so popular that new locations may be added this summer. Among the contenders are U.S. 285 from Fairplay to Englewood, Interstate 25 on Monument Hill and U.S. 24 from Manitou Springs to Divide.
· Birthplace of Whirling Disease. This malady afflicts the nervous systems of trout and causes them to swim in circles. Although several places have been proposed for this honor, as the spot where whirling disease began spreading through Colorado streams, local chauvinism compels me to suggest the Mt. Shavano Fish Hatchery near Salida.
And it's not just chauvinism. I think the trout caught it from watching tourists in Winnebagos navigate in Salida -- many just go 'round and 'round, with no apparent destination in mind.
· Statewide Selective Enforcement Carnival. Recently I read in the Washington Monthly of a study which discovered that people who talked on cellular telephones while driving had the same accident rate as people who had 0.1 percent alcohol in their blood while driving.
That blood-alcohol concentration is considered legally drunk in Colorado, and people with such bloodstreams are arrested and then fined or jailed -- and they lose their driving privileges.
So highway cellular telephone conversations present exactly the same menace to our health and safety as drunken drivers. Yet one is illegal, and the other is not only legal, but encouraged by all those signs which urge motorists to use their cell phones to report drunken driving.
·Historic Sites of the New West: Archeologists are still working on this tour, as there is some dispute about whether the first double-decaf mocha-latte was served in Aspen or Steamboat Springs. However, Crested Butte's claim to the original mountain bike seems fairly solid, and few will dispute that the first sweat lodge open to White Eyes was near Telluride.
· The Peace & Quiet Non-Festival Weekend: I haven't seen this one listed, but I know I'll need to find it soon.
From June 12-15, Salida has its annual FIBArk festival -- it started as a kayak race to Cañon City in 1949, but now includes a parade and carnival. On June 18, the Post's Ride-the-Rockies tour comes through town, approximately doubling the population for one night.
June 21 and 22 are the annual Artwalk, which draws a bigger crowd every year. That's the same weekend that there's a steam-powered excursion train in what may be the last summer of any trains on these tracks.
My favorite escapes are blocked. A trip to the city often works when I need to avoid montane masses, but Denver will host the Gang of Eight or something like that then, with 5,000 journalists swarming through the metropolis, and even worse, the library -- the city's leading attraction, especially when we want some serenity -- will be closed.
My other preferred haven, Saguache, is hosting the national convention of the Old Spanish Trail Association that weekend.
But I'm looking hard. At last report, neither Como nor Rosita had anything scheduled for that weekend, although changes are always possible. And if I do find the Festival-free location then, I'll do the right thing, and not tell anybody about it.
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