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Almost daily, we get apprised of the growing surplus in the state treasury, along with estimates of how much each of us would get if it were distributed equally to Colorado taxpayers -- at first it was about $22.50 apiece, and now it's up to $60.
As I understand various Douglas Bruce enhancements to the Supreme Law of the Centennial State, this money is supposed to be refunded to us. That's what we voted for when we passed the amendment, right?
But there are possible snags to the simple matter of writing warrants and mailing one to everybody who filed a state income-tax return.
For one thing, this approach -- an equal share of the state's surplus for everybody -- sounds too egalitarian to suit either major political party.
Democrats won't like it because there's no means testing, which means money might go to people who don't need it. Republicans will figure it's not fair because the rich folks who presumably pay more in state taxes will get the same amount as the poor who pay less.
Another problem is that Gov. Roy Romer is a tight man with a dollar -- that is, if he gets control of one, he hates to relinquish it. He can tell you plenty of ways (roads, schools, etc.) that you would be better off if the money did not return to your pockets. He wants to call a special session of the legislature to set an election about the fate of the money.
With refunds, there's another partisan problem -- if the
state just mailed warrants, each would be signed by the
state treasurer, a Republican named Bill Owens who plans to
run for governor next year. His name on the found money in
the mail would give him favorable name recognition
to rival Mother Theresa's -- Democrats wouldn't like that,
and neither would other GOP gubernatorial hopefuls.
And so it falls on me to provide the proper solution. The money would not be refunded this year, but when you got your state income tax form next year, you'd have an automatic $60 credit, which would go toward your taxes or, if you had one coming, a refund.
That's simple and it wouldn't cost anything extra. However, there are all manner of special interests -- the highway lobby, the educrats, etc. -- who want some of that money, and they must be placated.
The state income tax form already has voluntary contribution boxes for stuff like none-game wildlife and homeless prevention. Under my plan, we'd add more such boxes to the form, so that you, too, could spend your money the way the government would if it had your money:
· Useless Corporate Subsidy Fund. Money would go toward tax abatements and the like for publicly-traded companies which supposedly provide jobs for Coloradans, then suddenly disappear, like Southern Pacific Railroad (got a sales-tax exemption to keep jobs in Colorado, then merged and those jobs went away anyway) and Gerrico (property-tax abatements to provide jobs that will disappear when the company moves production to some state that is even stupider than Colorado).
Your contribution will insure that, even if your neighbors lose their jobs that were supposed to be preserved by this subsidy, corporate stockholders will continue to enjoy excellent returns, thus continuing the bull market on Wall Street to the benefit of society at large.
· Subdividers Relief Program. Check this box,
write in an amount, and it will go toward new and expanded
highways linking urban areas with previously undeveloped
land. Land values will rise, the developers will go to work
chopping it into scenic 2-acre lots, commuters will build
their dream homes, and will then raise hell about any
remnant bears or cougars, as well as the congestion on
their roads. Your generous contribution will enable us to
continue our wonderful Colorado Way of Life.
· Resort Cartel Maintenance Program. As it is, Interstate 70 in the mountains is often clogged by traffic, or even closed by snow storms and slides, thereby limiting the growth possibilities for Vail Resorts.
Donate, and the money will go toward widening I-70 to four lanes each way, and Vail, to express its gratitude, will hold the line on lift tickets at $98.
· Realtor Retraining Act. Someday this current boom will end, just like all previous booms, an event which will severely impact thousands of realty agents who had been earning comfortable livings.
This money will be set aside to provide them with 12-step therapy programs (many will be in denial and will need to confront realty reality then), and then to retrain them for honest work sacking groceries or driving taxis.
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