< PREVIOUS ] [ 1997 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >
Perhaps I should check with my secret informants inside the legislature, Colorado Counties, Inc., and the Colorado Municipal League, because I've discovered a statewide pattern lately.
As someone who generally dismisses conspiracy theories (face it -- the vast majority of us are either inept or blabbermouths, and so there just aren't that many humans capable of running even a few successful conspiracies, let alone the dozens you hear about), I find it difficult to believe that our public officials have ever managed to agree on anything except, perhaps, the need for pay raises.
But we must consider the evidence that somewhere,
sometime, some small clandestine cabal put together a set
of Rules for Public Bodies to Manage Public Discourse in
Colorado,
and that all manner of officials -- from the
smallest town's trustees to city councils to boards of
county commissioners to even the General Assembly --
secretly got together and agreed to follow these rules.
Naturally, I haven't found a copy of the Rules yet, but based on my own observations, as well as communications from my far-flung network of troublemakers, gadflies, agitators and other public nuisances, I've started to piece together one section the Rules.
This section concerns Methods for Ignoring Statements
You Don't Want to Hear
:
1) If the statement comes from someone who really knows
what he's talking about -- for instance, someone who used
to work inside the office or agency in question -- then
dismiss the statement as untrustworty because it comes from
a disgruntled ex-employee.
That's almost always true -- gruntled people generally stay on the job. But that fact has nothing to with whether the statement is true or worth looking into.
2) If the statement comes from a mouthy or uppity group
of citizens, define them as a vocal minority.
Again, the validity of the statement has nothing to do with whether it is presented by a majority or minority -- after all, most people used to believe the earth was flat and that horsehairs left in water overnight turned into snakes. And if people weren't vocal, how could they say anything?
Further, most public offices are held by educated white
males -- a minority in this country, a vocal one at that,
but nobody ever refers to the Colorado General Assembly or
the Sand & Gravel Producers' Association as a vocal
minority.
3) If the statement comes from people whose
great-grandparents were not born in town, reply that It
comes from those newcomers -- what do they know?
Well, they may know what they're talking about -- they at least deserve a hearing.
4) If the statement comes from people whose
great-grandparents displaced the Utes, and the family has
been there ever since, then Those old-timers are always
dead-set against any change or progress, so why listen to
them?
Change isn't always an improvement. When I moved to Salida in 1978, I wondered why the old-timers seemed so opposed to change. Then it dawned on me that every change here since about 1945 -- railroad abandonments, mines and quarries closing, strip development along the highway -- had been for the worse. If I'd endured all that, I'd be pretty dubious about change, too.
5) If people criticize a proposal in general terms,
reject their talk with You don't really have anything at
stake here, so let's move on.
6) If people explain in detail how a project or
ordinance has adversely affected them, respond with
You're taking this personally, and we have to worry
about the well-being of the entire community, so let's move
on.
7) If any single rule fails to shut them up so that you
can cut a sweetheart deal with a developer or provide free
utility service to a toxic minimum-wage industry, conflate
the above responses: The pitiful efforts of a vocal
minority of newcomers and uninformed citizens opposed to
all change and progress are not worthy of a response, since
they're not pursuing the broader community agenda as they
take things personally. Now, let's move on.
As I said, I haven't actually seen these rules anywhere. But they're in such wide use in Colorado that any fair-minded person should see evidence of a conspiracy. Now all we have to do is find it.
< PREVIOUS ] [ 1997 Index ] [ Ed Quillen HOME ] [ SEARCH ] [ NEXT >