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Finding the right ventriloquist for Republican candidates

Published September 28, 1997 in the Denver Post.
Copyright ©1997 by Ed Quillen. All rights reserved.

Congressional Republicans are suffering from a communications problem. This diagnosis comes from an authority, a consultant named Frank Luntz who helped draft the 1994 Contract with America.

This time around, Luntz has issued a 222-page guide called The Language of the 21st Century, which tells GOP lawmakers that You have suffered through communication disaster after communication disaster, and nothing ever seems to change. Linguistically, you are out of touch with the American people.

And so, the 35-year-old Luntz has introduced the must serious effort ever made by either party to put together an effective, comprehensive national communication strategy.

In other words, the GOP nominee in my congressional district is supposed to sing the same Luntz lyrics as the GOP nominee in your district, with the Republican U.S. senate candidates adding a harmonious Luntz voice to the chorus, and this great choir will resonate with American voters so that Jesse Helms of North Carolina can continue to determine the foreign policy of the entire United States.

Luntz provides specifics to candidates. For instance, on Social Security, he advises: You don't need the specific solution -- yet. You just have to keep asking: Do you trust Washington to manage your Social Security fund, or is it possible that someone else can do a better job?

Of course it is always possible that somebody else can do it better -- as the saying goes, there's never been a horse that couldn't be ridden, and never a rider that couldn't be thrown.

But a candidate tossing out one-liners like that might make himself vulnerable to some joker in the audience (despite the best efforts of local party regulars, heretics occasionally sneak into the town meetings operated by GOP congressmen) who then asks Well, congressman, why do you keep trusting Washington to defend our nation when the Defense Department spends billions on a bomber that can't operate when it's raining? Could you tell us when Washington is trustworthy and when it isn't?

Actually, it appears that Luntz is trying to make work for himself. Republicans controls both houses of Congress and a fat majority of gubernatorial seats, so whatever they've been doing has been effective. Luntz seems to be inventing a disease and selling the cure.

On the off chance that he's right, though, I might as well get into this business myself, and so I offer these suggestions for Republican candidates:

Do not say: After accepting campaign contribution checks from them on the floor, we will invite corporate lobbyists into our hearings, so that we can guarantee that the buyers will be satisfied with the legislation they purchase.

Instead, say: The constitution guarantees to all Americans the right to petition the government for redress of grievances, and I support equal rights, not special rights.

Do not say: We have worked diligently to produce an effective communications ogilopoly dominated by huge corporate interests that charge big money for campaign advertising so that only millionaires or people who represent their interests can hold public office.

Instead, say: The Liberal Media Elite have opposed us and our policies every step of the way, but with your help, we can destroy their pernicious power.

Do not say: I'm a three-term incumbent and I have built up a network of connections, so that I can keep federal money flowing into this district and get the regulators off your backs sometimes.

Instead, say: The corrupt Beltway culture needs a cleansing influence that represents real hard-working Americans, and as a Washington outsider, I can make a difference.

Do not say: I support trampling the Constitution and increasing crime and corruption by continuing this expensive and ineffective War on Drugs.

Instead, say: Drugs threaten the very foundation of our society, and I pledge to continue and expand the noble crusade against this menace.

Do not say: To help out struggling companies like General Motors, we want to federalize the tort system and take decisions out of the hands of local juries, and to make sure you pay more every month to get less from a monopoly, we made all cable TV regulation come from Washington.

Instead, say: The government that is closest to the people works best, and we shall continue to devolve power to the state and local governments.


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