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This column appears on Thursday, rather than Tuesday, because Martha and I were busy researching a current political issue -- statehood for Puerto Rico. When the plebiscite bill narrowly passed the U.S. House of Representatives last week, we were actually in Puerto Rico discussing that very topic.
I can't recall precisely which beach we were on at the
time -- rum and tropical breezes produce some memory
impairment -- but this means that our trip was not take
a break from mountain winter by spending a week on a
tropical island
but instead, a legitimate journalistic
excursion.
And if you believe that, I encourage you to apply
immediately for the position of Denver Post examiner of
expense vouchers submitted by free-lance columnists.
I
will be more than pleased to put in a good word for
you.
In truth, our older daughter, Columbine, is studying at the University of Puerto Rico in San Juan and we went to visit her. It was the first time I ever crossed the Mississippi River, but aside from airports, I have no idea what Back East looks like -- it was all clouds and fog.
Puerto Rico has been an American possession for exactly a century -- it was one of the spoils of the 1898 Spanish-American war.
With 3,508 square miles, it is about the size of Weld County. With 3.7 million people, it has as many people as Colorado. Thus it is crowded, and if you want to see Colorado after the resort developers, freeway builders and growth promoters finish their job here, go to San Juan: A few rich folks in triple-gated enclaves, a lot of poor folks to service them, and more traffic, noise, and congestion than I ever imagined was possible.
Puerto Rico is a commonwealth,
a polite term for
American colony with considerable local
autonomy.
It's probably as good a deal as any small and poor land ever got from a nearby big and rich nation. But our constitution presumes a republic of states, and offers little guidance for entities that are neither states nor on their way to statehood.
Commonwealth
presumably represents a transitional
status, toward either independence or statehood.
Some small islands do well as independent countries. Iceland has only 300,000 people, but they enjoy a higher standard of living, longer life-expectancy and greater literacy than we do.
However, Antilles republics have dismal histories: Haiti, Dominica and Cuba are not success stories.
Independence appears to have little political support in Puerto Rico. It gets to send its own Olympic teams and Miss Universe contestants, and nobody seemed excited about debasing currency, developing weapons of mass destruction or selling ambassadorships to campaign contributors.
The major argument against statehood is language -- English and Spanish are both official, but outside the Condado high-roller tourist zone and the cruise-ship docks at Viejo San Juan, not much happens in English.
One can manage, though, even if you're like me and your
Spanish is pretty much limited to Quiero mas cerveza,
por favor.
I found it easier to understand Puerto
Rican Spanish than New York English, and the people were
much more polite and friendly, too. In ways, San Juan
seemed more mainstream American than Salida does -- it had
dozens of franchises we don't, like Wendy's and Pep Boys,
as well as freeways and a huge state-of-the-art shopping
mall.
Puerto Rican traffic signs and signals were puzzling at
first, but we learned that a red light means slow
slightly before crossing the intersection,
the red
octagon means accelerate through the intersection,
and No estacionne
means Park on the sidewalk, and
if it's full, then double-park on the street.
To my
disappointment, Calle Sin Salida
means dead-end
street
and had nothing to do with sin or Salida.
The arguments against Puerto Rican statehood were often produced against New Mexico's entry into the Union -- it was a territory for 64 years, from 1848 to 1912, mostly because Congress didn't think brown-skinned Roman Catholic people who spoke Spanish could be good Americans. Fight and die as they might in our army and navy, they might also elect Democrats or otherwise endanger the national interest.
But America has survived 86 years of New Mexico
statehood, and Official English
has never been
required of other provinces seeking statehood -- Colorado
came into the union in 1876 with three official languages:
Spanish, German and English.
I suspect that a state of Puerto Rico would resemble Louisiana and Mississippi -- generally poor population with pockets of extreme wealth, baroque and exotic politics with more than a whiff of corruption, etc. Our Republic went to war in 1861 to keep these swamps and snakepits, so we must want them, though I've never figured out why.
Thus a plebiscite seems in order, and if Puerto Rico wants statehood, it should get it. It's certainly no weirder than New York.
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